Nude dating game

I am pretty sure my LDR GF is being untruthful about something.

2020.12.03 02:10 ThrowRA_Valhalla7 I am pretty sure my LDR GF is being untruthful about something.

Oh boy, so I'm not really sure where to start with this. I want the best advice, so I will not be retracting anything I've done negative or shortcomings and am an open book. Ask any question and i will do my best to reply to get good advice. Thanks, lets get into it. So, before we start, yeah yeah the age gap, I personally don't see this as an issue- when we met we were in pretty similar mindsets and about the same place in life. Also, as this perspective is mine, people may be inclined to belittle her. Please don't, this is still the woman I love with all of my heart. That being said.
We met online and hit it off. In June I traveled ~30 hours to see her (we were safe and wore masks wherever we went btw). It was great. We spent around a week together. She made me feel better then anyone or anything ever has. Everything went so great in fact, I was back there within the month for her birthday. After this trip, she started to get really mean. At this point, (and I'm not exaggerating to make myself look good) I had done nothing but kiss her ass. Also, along with this at the same time, she had a conversation with a guy online and she was willing to send him nudes. He messages me. Obviously I am perplexed, especially because as she was doing this we were busy playing a game. The second I bring it up, she instantly denies it, then says "you don't know what he said though" (unknown to her, he had actually sent me the unedited chat log) and refused to take any responsibilities for her actions. Anyways, at this point I was still honestly kissing her ass, so I shoved it down. I realize now this was a big mistake.
Fast forward to a few months ago, this behavior escalated EXTREMELY, to the point I had slowly turned into an asshole from her constantly berating me, never offering any praise, and never willing to actually talk about things. She also constantly would ask for money for various things. Here's the thing, she knows I've got quite a bit of money saved up. I don't mind sharing it. I love doing it actually, it makes me feel good. I absolutely LOVE getting her a gift, buying food for her, basic needs, small bills, etc. However, she would not say thank you to this point, like at all, or show any form of appreciation. Finally, I bring this up, she says she was not aware of it and she will work on it. Before this, even though she was kind of mean, I got to say she was still my ideal girlfriend besides that. She could be extremely sweet, thoughtful, and loving. Well now at this point, nothing. She is COLD. I experience no love, thoughtful text messages, or anything of the like. She will also not let me come visit her anymore. I have absolutely no idea what is going on at this point. I bring it up to her, however she says she was not aware this was happening and says she will work on it.
It is now November. It is our anniversary, had a few things planned for us (virtually, as I was not allowed to come see her) The day before, with no discussion or anything about it, she says her family friends are coming to visit on our anniversary. I feel abandoned, but I tell her to go (as I didn't really have a choice, they were already on their way.) & felt it would be toxic to withhold her from her friend, besides they were ONLY going to dinner, with everyone. However, I just asked that we kept in contact. She starts completely ignoring me. She asks if I want pictures from the dinner. I say yes. The place looks like an obvious "date restaurant" The family is nowhere around. It's only both of them, so I feel lied to and I bring it up. Whatever, I'll wait until she gets home. Nope, she stays out until 1 AM with her, and came home drunk. I was an asshole the rest of the night, I was hurt. Anyways, next day - I was being blunt and short (not rude, mean, or anything like that) it's just I was going to be ignored all day anyways because she was with this girl again. I text and call her a lot, because I have separation anxiety, and she calls me toxic. We move past it after the girl leaves, and went along with our relationship. In between now and the next part, I had slid into a ditch on my car and the only thing I get back home to see on my phone was "sorry to hear that" and lost my dog due to someone hitting him with a car. I am a broken man at this point, and she is the glue holding me together.
Fast forward a couple of weeks. I lit her phone up a lot when she was not talking to me (after previously stating she would keep in contact throughout the day, however it was WAY TOO MUCH, not like constantly but if I was without response within an hour I would text her again). She couldn't take it. She wanted to take a break. It's about to end. It's been hell. Lots of thoughts have been going through my head. Today, our last day before the ending of the break, I decided to do a little investigating. She claimed she has known this friend for years and years and it's a family friend's daughter, however when I go to this girls Instagram there are multiple photos there with captions like "first date, super nervous" "we finally met" etc. These were posted from the night of earlier in November. However, with these captions, also came the fact that GF had been commenting on friends Instagram photos from YEARS ago, but only commented 6-8 weeks ago. She is on Instagram A LOT, so it's not like she's just seen those photos at that time, also with how many there were and being spread out, it appears that she is not being truthful about when they met, which brings many other things into question. This has now put a lot of things into perspective.
I don't know what is being withheld from me, but it's very clear (to me at least) that something is being hidden. I feel betrayed. I am going to talk to her tomorrow about this, and see her reaction. I am fearful it is going to be anger, as it was when I brought up the internet guy situation. Am I looking to deep into this? What do you advise I do? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I love this woman and I'm willing to work on anything with her, but judging by her responses since last week, I don't know if she wants to. I don't know if she's even romantically interested in me anymore. I'm so torn and broken. Please offer any advice. Thanks. I will be replying to comments and will make sure to post an update when am able.
EDIT: 7.5 year age gap.
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2020.12.02 21:03 ImpossibleRoom7498 I (F21) cheated on my bf at the time to be with new guy.

Let me just start off by saying I am not saying cheating is right. This just what happened to me. I’m also on mobile so idk the formatting
I had a bf of 2 years that I cheated on twice. My at the time boyfriend was actually very sweet. He has been cheated on before. He would practically do anything for me. EXCEPT. The sex life wasnt there. 2 years and not once have we had sex. I would’ve understood if he was waiting for marriage or something like that but no that wasn’t the case. We would do sexual things just never full on sex and I personally feel that it’s a big party in a relationship. So of course I started to lose feelings for him. Now on to the two guys I cheated with. Both of them I met online. (Not on a dating app) First one let’s call him Sam, was from the other side of the country. He caught my eye almost immediately and we started talking. Friendly at first so I didn’t think anything of it. We talked for a few months and my bf at the time asked who he was. I said just some guy I met online. Now he didn’t like me talking to guys so I had to throw in “just some GAY guy I met online” and that was the end of that. He knew I made online friends constantly so it wasn’t a worry. Few months into talking with Sam, our conversations slowly started getting more sexual and I liked it. Like that’s what I was missing in my current relationship. So I continued with Sam. Then he started sending me nudes and I liked what I saw. He was fit. Unlike my bf who had a dad bod. Sam asked me for pictures too and I sent them. First time ever! I have never sent nudes before that. And we flirted for a few more weeks until I ended it over an argument we had. Havent talked to him since. Never got a chance to meet him in real life either. Entire time my boyfriend thought he was a gay dude and didn’t worry. Now onto the second guy. I met him a month after I ended things with Sam. Let’s call this second guy Larry. My bf, me and Larry all played on the same game but they never talked. I talked to Larry about the game once and just loved his vibe. We hit it off and became real good friends too and then I started catching feelings for him. All this time I was getting more and more distant from my bf. I fell head over heels for Larry so quickly that we planned on meeting. The day I was going to see him, I ended things with my bf saying I just didn’t like him anymore. Though text lol. I didn’t even call him. Never mentioned the cheating because again, he’s been cheated on before. Few hours later I was on my bus to meet Larry and I was so excited. Didn’t cry one tear over ending things with my bf. Met Larry and everything was amazing. Few months later we met again and we had sex that second met. I was craving sex for so long it felt amazing. Third time we met, he asked me to be his gf and I never felt more happier. All in all, the cheating worked out for me. Even if I’m doing long distance now and can’t have sex all the time, I’m much happier than before. And I trust him not to cheat on me so we good. I know he isn’t.
Now the reason I’m posting this is because my ex bf hit me up this morning and it went to a heated argument. I ended up saying “this is why every girlfriend you ever had, cheated on you. Including me. I’m not the problem clearly it’s you since everyone cheated on you” and I have felt nothing but guilt for saying that. But hey the truth comes out eventually no?
This happened 4 years ago. I’ve been with Larry for 4 years now. Wrong equation right solution??? Lol
Larry doesn’t know about all this. No one except my best friend knows. My question is should I tell him or not. The guilt haunts me all the time but we have been fine without him knowing. I don’t wanna tell him and ruin the relationship.
submitted by ImpossibleRoom7498 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 19:01 RyderDrox 20 Years Down the Drain

I found this thread by coming across Youtube videos reading posts that were similar to my situation. I figured I would give it a try.
I am 48, and have been married for 20 years in January. A little history; I come from a broken, violent, alcoholic childhood. Trust is key to me, and structure, safety, and providing are paramount to my existence. I met my wife when we were working in a restaurant. I was a manager and she was an employee, 5 years younger than me. She lost her parents to a car accident as a toddler and was raised by her Uncle. She has huge abandonment issues, is extremely emotional, and can be violently rageful in certain situations. She is mostly kind and loving, and the support and dedication I have shown her over the last 20 years has helped to quiet her soul and rage.
When we first started working together I found her very attractive, but i did not pursue anything because i was her manager. I had a part time gig bartending and she used to come down to the bar to see me and flirt. I didn't encourage her behavior, but I was always nice in turning her down. About a month into her coming down to visit she came in one night, walked right up to me, jumped into my arms, and started making out with me. This time I didn't turn her away, I mean, who would. Here was a striking, young, full of energy girl who obviously was extremely attracted to me. I had just ended a 5-year marriage that was a huge mistake, and I had a young daughter. I was just getting back out on the scene, was fit, and enjoying the company of several women. Who was I to pass up on someone like this? We spent that night together and I told her the next day that she would have to quit her job at the restaurant if she wanted us to continue seeing each other. She put in her notice that day.
We were together pretty much everyday after that. She basically moved in with me, and we went and got all her things from where she was staying a week later. I stopped seeing anyone else and even had to turn one of the other girls down when that girl came into my work and told me she "needed" to fuck. I told her I couldn't because I was in a relationship, and the girl said, "No one will know." I told her "I would," and she left.
My current wife and I had some small disagreements early on, and there was a lot of the dating games that young people play going on. I felt I was too old for all of that bullshit, and one night, after she had decided to stay out with her friends instead of coming home with me, I went to our apartment, packed all of her shit, and placed it all on the doorstep. I sat on the couch and waited for her to come home. I saw the headlights from her friends car as they dropped her off, and I watched through the peephole as she walked up to the doorstep. She stood there, frozen, looking at all of her suitcases standing before her. I opened the door, saw the tears streaming down her face, and said the following;
"I am too old for these games. I am here, right now, in front of you and you need to make a choice. You have to love my daughter, and take care of me and I will always take care of you. If you can do that, then grab your things and come inside." She came in and we have been together ever since.
During the first few years of our marriage I was clearly not ready to be the man I am today. I racked up two DUIs and I cheated on her 4 or 5 times. She never knew about the infidelities, and after the last DUI she told me "I love you more than anything, but I can't do this. If you ever get another DUI I will have to leave you." That was the end of all the drinking and extra marital stuff for me. I was 100% dedicated after that.
I spent the next 20 years building my career. I took jobs all throughout the state, and we had to move an hour-and-a-half away from our hometown for a job. My wife just couldn't do it. We had a baby by then, and she felt too isolated, so I moved her back to town and started commuting to work...for 7 years. It was ROUGH, but I did it to provide for my family and so I got through it. Eventually a spot came open in our hometown with my company and I took it. Later, I was grabbed up by a private owner to run his businesses, and finally another private group brought me on and gave me an ownership slice to run their units.
After 15 years together I had reached the pinnacle in my business life, my family was doing well, and I was making more money than I ever had. My wife wanted to go back to school to further her education, and I was at work so much that I thought it was fine. Work became pretty toxic at work, and that environment began to grind me down. I began to close off and internalize, and my relationship with my wife really suffered. Were were rarely intimate, only having sex a few times a year, and she has an over active libido. I was depressed and unapproachable, and really I was just dying inside.
My wife started asking to go hangout with some of our friends while I was at work. I didn't like it, but at that point I was dead inside and just said ok to whatever she wanted to do. It was easier for her to be gone than to face her disappointment with me when I got home from a soul crushing work environment. Her outings became more and more frequent, but I was ok with it because she was spending time with people I had been friends with for 20 years. I completely trusted everyone in the circle that she was hanging out with. I know, I'm an idiot.
About a year ago I started to realize that this work environment was not going to work for me anymore. I was constantly at odds with the partners, and we were not even on speaking terms anymore. I started to look back at my life and what I saw was that I had shut out everything that I had ever valued about myself. I had turned myself into a soulless ATM to provide comfort and stability for my family. I was barren of emotion. DOn't get me wrong, there were great times as a family during those two decades, but as a person I was empty. I decided that after my wife completed her education I was going to look for another way to make money, and I was going to try and recapture some of myself.
It was during this exact time when my wife decided she would try a new life on for herself. One of the guys in the group, someone I had been friends with for 20 years, decided to hold her hand on one of those group outings, and that started a year-long emotional affair.
During that time I could feel some discomfort in the back of my head when she went out with our friends, but I was so dead inside that I just ignored it. I didn't want to face any more pain or discomfort at the time. We went on through the beginning of this year, and I noticed that my wife was becoming more aloof and distant, but I was still in no place to address her behavior emotionally. then Covid hit. We were sequestered in lock down for months, and she later told me that she felt this would be the time that she and I could reconnect and revitalize our marriage. Unfortunately I was still in the process of shedding that work life and I was unable to bridge the gap initially.
We started lockdown in April, and by June she had decided that she was going to leave me when she completed her program. Of course, I had no idea. During quarantine I didn't have work, so there were more opportunities for me to start seeing my friends again. My wife and I were invited to a wedding that one of the guys in the group was having and it was the first time in over a year that I was going to be able to see them all. I was super excited, and I had a great time, but my wife's AP was forced to face what he was doing when I showed up. He started to cut off their interaction, and after a second gathering during the same month, he basically cut it all the way off.
So now my wife of 19 years is facing multiple decisions; her program was almost complete, her marriage to me was over, and the relationship she hoped to carry on after she left me was finished as well. She still didn't have the courage to tell me she was leaving because she needed my support to get passed the finish line, but she had to start planting seeds for how her new life would develop.
3 weeks before she was to take her boards and get her license she brought up the idea of taking a job at the coast 2 hours away. She said it was because there were no jobs in town, she would make a lot of money at the coast, and she could start working right away. She then said she had an interview the next day. I. of course, did not agree, and it was during that discussion/argument that I felt we were no longer having a conversation about my wife working at the coast, but that we were discussing her leaving me.
I confronted her about what she was really talking about, but she wasn't ready to pull the trigger. I told her that I loved her more than anything, but that I wouldn't beg her to stay. I told her that she wasn't responsible for me, and she didn't need to feel guilty because I had taken care of them for the last 20 years. I just want to know what you are going to do so I can start putting my life back together.
It took me a minute to get my wits about me, and then the investigation began. I got into her computer and found archived drafts of letters she had written AP over the last year. I scoured all of the avenues in her computer and discovered she had stopped syncing all of her devices the previous year. I started piecing things together, and then I found AP's name. At first, I was shocked, but a second later I thought, "of course it was him."
I set up counseling for us, but it had to be through zoom because of Covid. I had sent everything I found and how I felt to our counselor. We had seen her, off and on, for about 15 years, and she is really the reason my wife and I had lasted as long as we did. On the day of my wife's appointment I was out driving around, having a mental breakdown. I was driving through the foothills outside of town screaming and howling at the top of my lungs. I felt guilty about pushing her away and I was taking responsibility for the end of our marriage. I felt like it was me who had violated her, and I wanted to die. I wanted to point my truck at a brick wall and drive into it at 100 mph.
Just as I was calming down and heading back home my wife called me. I didn't answer because I couldn't talk. Well, during their session our counselor used AP's name and my wife freaked out. My wife hadn't told anyone about the affair and she couldn't figure out how our counselor knew. She went and opened my ipad and found the evidence I had scraped from her computer. My wife was frantically calling me to see where I was because...get this...she was afraid for AP.
My wife asks if I have confronted AP and I say no. She is horrified at the prospect of me contacting him saying it wasn't his fault and he doesn't deserve this. What she forgets is that AP and I have been good friends for 20 years, and his violation is just as much a betrayal as hers. This conversation follows the arch that many of the following ones where we settle, we talk, and then we resolve to continue trying with each other.
We start going to counseling separately, and our therapist lets it be known that my wife will have a long road getting over this love that she had for AP. As I was not emotionally available for my wife for so many years the therapist says that the affair, though only an emotional one, was strong and will be difficult for my wife to let go of for some time. It is gutting to hear this, but I know that I contributed to putting my wife in this mindset. It didn't matter that I had worked my ass off for 20 years, slept in cars and bathed in mop sinks to provide for my family. What mattered was that my wife was left, for all intents and purposes, alone in our marriage. I felt tremendous guilt for that.
As we progressed in counseling I obviously struggled with trust. I tried to manage my desire to go through all of her devices and find everything. I wanted to know if they were still communicating, and I didn't believe that they had not been physical. It shouldn't have mattered because trust was broken either way, but it gnawed at me.
I started watching videos and reading books about infidelity and most of them stated that the cheater was most often expected to provide access to all of their devices and communications if they truly desired to reestablish trust. I hated the idea of asking for that access, but I wanted it too. I just avoided the situation for the time being.
At this point I was very weak emotionally. I was terrified that I was going to lose my wife of 20 years, and I felt no power to ask or demand anything from her. It was as if I had betrayed her after 20 years. I was walking on eggshells in our communication. We did reconnect physically, getting after it sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. We had more sex in the first two weeks after I discovered her infidelity than we had in the last five years. It was amazing. The times in between our intimacy were excruciating.
After a couple weeks I could not shake the need to contact AP, so I did. I sent him a text letting him know that I had discovered he had an affair with my wife. I explained to him that I had placed her in a terrible situation in our marriage and that I understood how it happened. I told him that I wanted to talk it out with him so that the three of us could move on because we all shared a very close nit set of friends and I didn't want it to be awkward forever. Crickets.
The next day, as I was driving to work, my wife sent me a text asking if I had contacted AP. I lied and said no and she immediately responded, "Goddammit, don't lie to me." I would later learn that AP was no longer responding to her messages. Their preferred App to communicate was Snapchat, and he left her messages unattended. She deduced that I had contacted AP and he was spooked. I fessed up that I had indeed contacted him, but I told her that the text was less about her and more about the long relationship that I had with AP. I wanted to try and salvage what I could for the three of us. Wife was furious of course, and immediately left our house to meet with AP at his home.
I was an hour away for work and immediately set off for home. Wife was at AP's house for under five minutes before heading home. I called her, but she responded that she needed a minute. Later learned that she needed a minute because she was messaging him and he was not responding. When she got home she called and we talked until I got home, and then for an hour after before making love and falling asleep. She asked me not to contact AP anymore unless he requested and I agreed. I was still a fragile little shell inside. This could not feel worse.
We spent our days together, carefully watching each other, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every move, every phrase, every turn of the eye took on its' own significance and signaled something that had to be deciphered. It was exhausting. We started taking trips away from town, and when we were away the shadows of AP seemed less looming. We worked on rebuilding this marriage that we had lived for 20 years, but there was always this whisper in the back of my mind. Four weeks into the rehabilitation we were shopping at a Lowes, and as we were talking an alert popped up on her phone. Wife looks at phone, and then turns away to enter code. Devastated. I knew that she was still hiding things. I felt like this would never be over.
Because I didn't think things would end unless I did something I contacted AP again and arranged a meeting, which he agreed to. I didn't tell Wife until the day of the meeting, and 30 minutes before heading over I told her that AP had asked to meet. The light and loving face that she had been carrying daily turned to a nasty scowl. She told me "I won't be here when you get back." I was thrown back, and I almost said I wouldn't go, but I told her I needed for this piece to be done. "What are you guys going to do, talk about what a pice of shit I am?" I told her, again, that it was about my relationship with AP, and not just about her.
I left and met AP at a restaurant. We took some shots and got right into it. He explained how he had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and that the attention Wife provided him helped his depression. He said he let it go too far, and I said, "Yeah, the nudes she sent you and the sexting were too far." His gaze fell to the floor and he acknowledged it was wrong. We talked for about an hour, and then I headed home. Wife wasn't there when I got home. She was driving around town, probably blowing off some steam, and I was drunk, so I went to bed. She got home around 1 am. She had stopped by a couples house that we were friends with and had gotten a call for a ride form our daughter. She woke me up when she got home and asked what was said during my meeting with AP. I told her, again, that it had not been about her, but that we were talking about how it happened, and how we should proceed together. We talked for awhile, made love again, and went to sleep.
At this point the ping pong affect of being blissfully physical and emotionally betrayed was wearing on me. During one of my sessions the therapist had emphasized that there should be no communication between AP and Wife. Therapist explained that Wife would never get past the affair with continued contact. I agreed. Therapist also said that Wife should allow access to all devices to reassure me and that she should be trying to build trust instead of me doing all of the heavy lifting. When I mentioned it to my wife she said, "I will give you the code if you want it." That was not the response I wanted from her. I wanted her to just turn her phone over to me and tell me the code. She was bluffing, and I knew it, but I didn't call. Still so weak.
During a the next therapy session my counselor told me that I was being a doormat, and that I needed to set some firm parameters. She told me that at this point I was prostituting myself for emotional love from my wife, and if I didn't stop we would never make it long term. She told me that Wife should block AP on all social media and give me full access. I told her I would bring it up with wife.
Wife and I headed out of town for her job at the coast and as we were discussing where to eat I told her to find somewhere quiet so we could talk. I had been riding my bike over with her, and we would stay at a hotel for a couple of nights together before I headed back home for work on Wednesday. This was the third week we had done it, and I wanted to get the boundaries established before I headed home. We had discussed her blocking AP the day before and she had agreed. I was going to let her know I wanted access to all of her stuff at dinner and make sure that she had deleted/blocked him on all her social media. I meekishly brought up the conversation I had with the therapist and laid out the list of boundaries. I was so afraid to ruin the good times that we were sharing that I had a hard time bringing this stuff up, and I never did when we were arguing because I didn't want to become rageful, say something terrible, and ruin everything. I was a mess.
Wife was apprehensive about the code to her phone, but ultimately gave it to me. She also agreed to the boundaries, and I felt like we had made real progress. Then I asked her, "Did you delete AP from Snapchat?" She responded, "I unfriended him." I told her that wasn't the same thing, and she said "I did whatever it is so he doesn't appear on the App." I should have asked to see her phone, but I knew she was lying, and I didn't want to fuck up the whole night. We finished dinner and headed back to the hotel.
I resolved in my mind what I was going to do that night. I hadn't slept through the night in over a month, and I knew that I would wake up in the middle of the night. I was going to take her phone into the bathroom and go through EVERYTHING, and when I found all of the lies I was going to hop on my bike, head home and on to the rest of my life.
Wife had to work early so we turned in around 9pm. I had pre-packed all of my stuff knowing that I would most likely be leaving in the middle of the night. Wife just thought I was packing to leave the next day anyway, so there were no red flags for her. I woke up around 3 in the morning, walked over to her side of the bed, grabbed her phone off the charger and walked into the bathroom. I opened the phone, and selected the Snapchat App. I had google searched how to find friends in the App to see if she had deleted him, but I didn't need to because as soon as the App opened there was an alert of a message from AP. I opened the message and saw that they had been messaging all through the night.
I wasn't even sad anymore. Not mad. Not hurt. Just disappointed. I then went through her entire phone, taking pictures of all the messages, all the pics she sent him. all the texts to her one friend that she had confided in, and when I felt like I had everything I returned the phone to the stand, got dressed, and hit the road.
She woke up around 7 am and sent me a text asking where I was. I just replied with a screen shot of her message to AP the previous evening. All of a sudden Wife was in a panic. All of the stoic strength she had presented the previous 10 weeks vanished and she started begging for another chance. She apologized for betraying me, and she promised she would delete the App and allow me access to everything. She told me that she only ever loved me and that she would do anything to keep us together. I told her that we would talk when she got back home on Friday.
That was six weeks ago. She did delete the app, and things have been going relatively well for us. This is an opportunity for us to have the marriage that the both of us had always intended. I still have these lingering doubts, and I still find myself peering over her shoulder when she is on her phone. When I walk into the room I watch to see if she is swiping out of some secret messaging App. I confronted AP that day I had found her messaging him and basically told him to fuck off and that he was ruining our marriage with continued communication. He ghosted her, but not before he made some belittling remarks about her saying that he was doing his best to respond in a "short and concise manner hoping that eventually it would stop." During a later conversation with Wife I showed her that text and she was devastated. It was gross to see her disappointment, but at the same time it was cathartic. Hopefully she would better be able to move on.
My question now is, does anyone think we can get through this? My doubts linger, but soften as time goes on. I struggle with thinking how they were communicating with each other while I was laying next to her, or while we were on family vacations. I don't think she would ever do this again, but I am not sure that she won't wake up and just want to leave. I don't know that I might not do the same. All I want is for us to move on into our twilight years together, but I wonder if we will be able to do it.
submitted by RyderDrox to Infidelity [link] [comments]


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2020.12.02 09:34 FatedApollo Woke up Kidnapped 31 (Shopping)

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Once they finally made it out of the tower after another nice meal it had started to drizzle. Gabriel looked up at the grey skies and out over the park. Two officers approached, one male and one female Phigos. Gabriel could clearly note the differences now that they stood side by side. Phigos women have bands of smooth plates across the skull and men have two separate plates colliding in the center, creating a small peak of sorts. There was a slight difference in the shape of their cheekbones as well, the woman had higher ones.
“Hello, I’m Vnara and this is Orlon,” the female said and gestured to the other one. “And I suppose we are the other part of your double date,” She finished.
“Nice to meet you,” Gabriel said. “We are planning to head back to the hotel for a bit before heading out, is that alright with you?”
Orlon nodded, “Definitely, we will observe from the cafe across the street.”
“Talk casual,” Vnara said to him. “We’ll hang out at the cafe while you two get ready.”
“Right,” Orlon said.
Gabriel nodded to them and turned to look out over the park once again. Some families were still out, but most had either rain gear on or were holding up in roofed areas while the kids played..
“Maybe we should invest in umbrellas,” Gabriel said.
“At least it’s warm,” Madeline sighed and grabbed his hand. “If we’re lucky we’ll get back before it gets worse.”
They walked out into the drizzle and hurried on back towards the hotel, the two cops following behind at a distance. Unfortunately, they did not make it before the rain really got going and by the time they were back, both were drenched.
“Well, that sucked,” Gabriel said as he took off his jacket and dug around in his bag for a towel.
“Look on the bright side,” Madeline said as she wrung out her shirt in the bathroom. “Now we know that we should bring umbrellas or rain gear. And we needed to leave our bags in either case.”
“It’s better to get wet now rather than later?” Gabriel asked and hung his towel on a hook in the bathroom after drying his hair.
“Precisely, it's not like we are wearing our finest,” she said and accepted a dry towel from Gabriel.
“I suppose, I just hate having wet socks,” Gabriel grumbled and stripped down to his underwear, which was the only garment still dry. “But I do get to stare at you undressed again, so it’s not too bad.”
Madeline chirped and grinned at him through the mirror, “Why don’t you make yourself useful and bring my brushes?”
“Can do,” Gabriel said and wandered over to her bag. It was packed in an orderly manner and he easily found several brushes which he delivered to Madeline. Then he went through his quite limited wardrobe and decided on one of the button-up-shirts he had from US 535 and black pants to go along.
As his jacket was still dripping wet he had to go without. White shirt and black ‘jeans’, that would have to do. He sat down and rummaged around for his phone. It still had plenty of charge so he laid it to the side and waited for Madeline to get done which as usual took quite some time.
But eventually, she walked out in her undergarments and Gabriel smiled as she bent over to look through her bag.
“Are you doing that on purpose?” He asked. Madeline shot an innocent look over her shoulder and wiggled her butt.
“I have no idea what you mean.” She said and managed to keep a straight face.
“Of course, my mistake,” Gabriel chuckled and leaned back on the bed, enjoying the show. Madeline finished dressing and joined him on the bed.
“Pcu,” she said and held out her hand. “No, wait, you called it a phone?”
“Yep,” Gabriel said and handed her his phone. He put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “That icon is for pictures,” he said and pointed. Madeline turned the phone around for a moment before tapping the icon with her claw, which did exactly nothing.
“How does it work?”
“With things carrying a static charge, you need skin contact,” Gabriel explained. Madeline poked the icon again and the gallery opened. She pressed the first image, which was a picture of a serial number of something Gabriel had been working on. “Swipe to the right to see the next picture.”
Madeline swiped past several more pictures. Some were of damages to computers that needed to be fixed, some were codes or serials Gabriel had needed at work. “Do you have nothing but work pictures?”
Gabriel tried his best to remember, he didn’t take many pictures and his phone was new, well new a hundred years ago. “I do have some further back that are more interesting. A few with Victoria, some nature pictures, and…can I see the phone for a bit?”
Madeline held it out of his reach, “Why?” She kept swiping.
“Because my last girlfriend sent me some pictures that might be...and you found them.” He finished as Madeline swiped over to a nude neck down picture of Maria, Gabriel ex from a few years before he was kidnapped.
“Huh,” Madeline said and tilted her head. “Your description of human women was quite accurate.” she mused and swiped through the pictures, some more tastefully nude and some not so much. “Why do you have these?”
“We ended our relationship on good terms and she said I could keep all that didn’t have her face in them.”
“Why?”
Gabriel blew out a breath “I’ll let you figure out the reason a man would keep naked pictures of a woman,” Gabriel said. He should have remembered the pictures, or at least that he had transferred them to this phone.
Madeline chirped as she swiped over to a picture of a path in the woods, “I can’t believe I had to go through your masturbation materials before seeing nature pictures.”
“I saw trees every day back on earth, not so many naked ladies,” Gabriel said. “And to be honest, that phone is—was—new.”
“Fine,” Madeline grinned. “Still you might want to hide those better.” she swiped through the various nature pictures Gabriel had taken over the years. “Why do you have so many pictures of nature?”
“My phone was always with me so it’s easy to snap a picture of a forest path or whatever. I lived in a quite small town so I was close to the woods.”
“I guess that makes sense, I suppose I have quite a few as well. Or rather had as my pcu was taken.” she swiped past some more, asking about pine trees in particular and some other questions before one again, reaching a few work-related pictures. “Trees and work I see,” Madeline chirped.
“Yep,” Gabriel agreed and wrapped both arms around her. She settled in against his chest and swiped. The next picture up was a selfie taken by Victoria. His and her face side by side with a Christmas tree in the background. Gabriel felt a pang of nostalgia go through him.
“That has to be Victoria,” Madeline said.
“Yeah,” Gabriel confirmed. They were almost close enough to appear as twins. Both had light tanned skin, dark brown hair, and dark green eyes. The main differences were their mouths and chins. Madeline noticed the similarities as well, her finger tracing over the image.
“She’s pretty,” she said. Gabriel just nodded and hugged Madeline closer. “Sorry for bringing the mood down just before our date.”
“Double date,” Gabriel reminded her. “And It’s fine, I honestly should have gone through my pictures before...for several reasons,” he chuckled. Madeline swiped past a few more pictures of the Christmas tree and some food before reaching the end. “So, which ones do you want me to hand over to the Union?”
“Getting permission for sharing the nudes too late by about a hundred years, but I think they can learn some from them. Though you should keep the very sexual ones private,” Madeline said and handed over the phone. “I have no opinion on the rest.”
Gabriel sorted a few, or rather about half the pictures of Maria to another folder and locked it with a passcode, “Done, now, how about that date?”
“I guess we should get going,” Madeline said and sighed leaning her head back against his chest. “But it’s comfy.”
Gabriel chuckled and looked at the time, “It’s still quite early, we can snuggle for a bit, or go shopping.” Madeline sighed again and rolled out of bed,
“...Shopping,” She said after a long pause.
Then they got going. After meeting up with Vnara and Orlon—and procuring umbrellas—they headed into the city, counterclockwise around the park surrounding the Union building. They strolled slowly around various stores, Gabriel looking at mostly everything seeing as it was new. The cops mostly kept their distance and acted like a couple out for their own date, though they were not as close as Gabriel and Madeline. They managed to spend several hours looking at clothes, appliances, and Gabriel made sure to pick up some movies.
“So, what kind of food are you in the mood for?” Vnara asked them when it was beginning to get dark.
“Something spicy,” Gabriel said.
“Like with Quizeateran fire-root?” Orlon asked.
“Exactly like that,” Gabriel said. “But I’m open to suggestions, I barely know any dishes as it is. Madeline usual orders for me.”
Madeline chirped, “That might have to change if you’re planning on actually being an ambassador in more than just name.”
“Surely I can have a beautiful assistant that picks my meals for me?”
“Oh, assistant am I?” Madeline asked.
Gabriel paused, scrambling for words, “Must be the translator, the word I used is higher in status, though assistants though hold everything together.” Gabriel said, rather unconvincingly.
Madeline chirped, “Must be, though assistants usually get paid.” She hooked her arm around Gabriels and addressed the two Phigos. “So, any recommendations?”
“Yes,” Vnara said and squinted with all three eyes. “What’s that place called? the Cecaiampal place that has that stew and wonderful bread,” she asked Orlon.
“Waystop on the journey towards aging or something like that,” Orlon said.
“That’s the one,” Vnara said and turned to Gabriel and Madeline. “How does that sound?”
“I don't think I’ve ever had Cecaiampal food so I’m game,” Gabriel said.
“Me too, as long as they have something without hot spices,” Madeline said.
“Yeah, they do, I recommend the wraps, they come in many flavors.” Orlon said.
“Lead the way,” Gabriel said grinning, he was getting excited to try some new food.
Now that Gabriel had heard the rumors he caught glances that were less than friendly, but the vast majority were still curious looks. They walked several blocks and ended up close to another entrance to the park.
The Waystop on the Journey of aging was a quite large restaurant. But then again Cecaiampals were pretty large. The interior had several tables set up, plenty with chairs but some had a low and wide cushioned stool. Or whatever it was called. Gabriel blanked on the correct word. Regardless, it was clearly meant for Cecaiampals to squat on. Most of the tables were taken but a few towards the back were still empty. Walking past the occupants they selected a booth at random.
A screen sat in the middle with pictures of dishes and the names. Gabriel had enough knowledge of the Station standard alphabet to make out the words, though if they had any meaning beyond the names he could not tell. There were a lot of stews and soups on the menu.
“So, I recommend this,” Vnara said and pointed to a dish resembling a very orange, almost red Jambalaya, though obviously without the shrimp or chicken he was used to. “It’s quite spicy but very good.”
“I’m convinced,” Gabriel said, “Oh, and order some bread as well.”
“Done,” Vnara said and gestured for Madeline to order. She selected two wraps, Gabriel only recognized one name, which was included in the burritos they sometimes ate. Some kind of meat substitute. Vnara chose the same dish as Gabriel and Orlon settled on a plate resembling a chicken salad with sliced blue potatoes.
“So, what have you heard about this ‘date’?” Gabriel asked the two cops. He decided that calling everyone officers or guards got confusing and they were more or less equivalent of cops.
“Not much, we were told that you wanted to go out and that we needed to act as the other couple.” Orlon said.
“Quite a nice assignment in my opinion,” Vnara said. “We even get extra pay since it’s after work hours.”
“Right, well, apparently there are some rumors about me going around and we were advised to keep two guards with us,” Gabriel explained.
“Alright, we’ll jump in if anything looks to be going out of hand, but we can’t arrest anyone for spreading rumors,” Orlon said.
“I don’t expect you to, I just want to avoid getting into fights, it might be bad for my reputation.”
The food arrived and Gabriel realized he had been wrong about his dish, sort of. It was something resembling rice with vegetables but everything floated on a thick sauce. It was also a very large portion and very good, and after asking for a few more pinches of whatever spice they used it might have been the best meal he’d had since coming to space. The bread—which resembled flat-bread—was also good. It tasted a bit nuttier than the Earthly bread he was used to.
Gabriel and Madeline got recommendations of some stores to check out. Some Roniean and Igris stores might have clothes that fit Gabriel and Kirini stores for Madeline. Gabriel would at least get an idea about what clothes to custom order even if they didn’t find anything. He had a pretty good idea from the ones they had already been in, but testing some clothes on wouldn't hurt
“This was great,” Gabriel said and leaned back, rubbing his stomach.
“I’ll assume so, you almost finished a Cecaiampal portion,” Vnara said looking at his plate. The rest had half or more remaining while Gabriel had one fourth. She pressed a button and some takeaway boxes arrived a minute later.
“Are there no smaller portions?” Gabriel asked.
“No, but the boxes are free, which means good lunch tomorrow,” Orlon said happily.
“If you’d learn to cook you could have good food every day,” Vnara said and closed her box. “But I have to agree that this ranks high up the list.”
Gabriel chuckled and loaded his own box. It would do for a small lunch, “This might have been the best meal I’ve eaten. To be fair, it’s like the second meal out in a restaurant.”
“We do find ourselves on ships more often than not,” Madeline said nodding. “Last time we were at a station was where we picked up Cani. Last time we were together that is,” She added.
“Yeah, I went and got kidnapped again didn’t I?” Gabriel said.
“You sure did,” Madeline smiled. “Oh, speaking of that, I will get my fingers fixed tomorrow.” She said and wiggled her prosthetic fingers at him.
“Remember to do the exercises they give you,” Orlon said and wiggled his own fingers, “I lost a finger when I was younger and ignored them, took an extra month to get it to bend like the rest.”
“Will do,” Madeline said. “Now that we have eaten, let’s go get those clothes made.” They got up and walked out the door of the restaurant, into a group of angry-looking aliens of various races. Orlon and Vnara hung back slightly but tensed up. Madeline stepped up beside Gabriel. “Can we help you?” she asked.
A tall Igris walked forward, “We have heard some rumors about the human and don’t want him around.” He stepped up and poked Gabriel in the chest. “I suggest you—”
“What kind?” Gabriel interrupted, keeping his voice friendly and casual.
“What?” The Igris asked, caught off guard.
“What kind of rumors? You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to hear them to your face,” Gabriel chuckled. “Like trying to herd cats.”
The Igris looked confused for a second before repeating the rumors about Gabriel’s time in the arena and his… violation of women. “As I said—” The Igris began.
“False rumors,” Gabriel interrupted cheerily. “Glad we could clear that up, was there anything else?”
“What?” the Igris asked confused.
“Well, alright, let me explain,” Gabriel said and rubbed his chin. “Let’s start from the arena. I was indeed put there after going to a market, which we learned might not have been legal,” Gabriel said sheepishly. “We were just looking for my stuff you see. Pcu and all that, It had pictures that would be lost and… well you get it.” Gabriel shook his head. “Where was I?”
“Arena dear,” Madeline said.
“Thanks,” Gabriel said. “So, about those rumors, I’m thinking that the only ones that were there to see what happened and could spread rumors were either the ones paying for illegal bloodsport or the fellows running the arena right?” Gabriel asked.
The Igris looked around at the gathered group. “Sure,” he said after a while.
“And why would they say anything nice about me after I escaped?” Gabriel asked. “I’m honestly surprised you haven’t heard more absurd rumors about Zilgi as they put a stop to the operation,” Gabriel said smiling.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Orlon said nodding. “I heard some rumors about Zilgi appearing at the same time as yours,” He finished, his acting quite good.
“Right,” Gabriel said. “Spread by criminals upset they were not allowed to kill for sport anymore I wager.” He turned back to the Igris with a friendly expression. “Thanks for seeking me out, I’m glad we could clear this up, have a pleasant evening,” He said and took Madeline’s hand, leading her out of the group while saying hello to the mob as they let him past, mostly due to the confusion.
“Huh,” Vnara said as they were out of earshot, “That went well.”
“Didn’t think that would work,” Gabriel chuckled. “But shifting the blame is a human specialty.”
Vnara laughed, “Good thing that. And that you did not initiate anything. If they could claim self-defense it would be difficult to put them in jail.”
“You think they were just misguided citizens or people that you would rather have behind bars?” Gabriel asked.
“Missguided citizens don’t usually gather in organized mobs outside restaurants,” Orlon said. “But it is a possibility. However, my guess is either a small gang or thugs paid to start trouble.”
“In the case that they’re paid,” Gabriel said. “Are we being followed?”
“Maybe,” Vnara said and sighed, “Which means we have to stick to public and preferably recorded areas.”
Madeline huffed, “We have to get this sorted, I refuse to leave this planet without having an actual date.”
Vnara laughed again, “We will do our best. Now, do we try and enjoy our double date or set a trap?...”

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2020.12.02 05:31 Final_Challenge 23 [M4A] VT/Anywhere • Lets swap hoodies, cuddle, and watch a movie or game.

Hiyo! (^_^) / Um, let's chat sometime? I'm probably already getting red in the face from your smile. I'll fall asleep in your lap if you play with my hair. Down to trade pics (no non-consensual nudes please).
Important things:
- Physical intimacy
- Deist / Atheist / Agnostic
- Deathly allergic to cats (at least until I can get allergy shots)
I appreciate serious inquiries only please ^_^ Thanks for checking out a little bit about me!
• I'm 5'8 and 160 lbs, lean/average.
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2020.12.02 01:01 TheMightyCloud I made a list of all the pop culture references in season 3

If you’re interested here’s season 1 and season 2. Also sorry for any formatting mistakes, I’m on mobile.
*S3E1- “No More Mr. Nice Guy by Alice Cooper”/ “Annie Get Your Gun” The pest control van was No More Mr. Mice Guy. The business next door was Annie Get Your Gum.
*S3E1 at 1:07- “Prince” Mort is doing the funeral service for the motorcycle club, The One-Eyed Snakes, and decided to wear pleather pants for it, which Linda thinks makes him look like Prince. Bob thinks it makes him look like “fat, white Prince”.
*S3E2- “Looney Tunes” The pest control van was called Bat’s All Folks! Exterminators
*S3E2 at 0:48- “Wolverine”/ “Edward Scissorhands” Linda is guessing what Louise’s Halloween costume is and excitedly says “Sad Wolverine!” Louise tells her it’s in fact Edward Scissorhands.
*S3E2 at 1:20- “Queen Latifah” Gene’s Halloween costume is rappeactress Queen Latifah from her U.N.I.T.Y. phase.
*S3E2 at 2:32- “Charles Dickens” Frond is giving a monologue about his “singles Singapore vacation” before handing out candy and Gene says, “Wrap it up Charles Dickens, you’re not being paid by the word!”
*S3E2 at 3:33 - “Chewbacca”/ “Frankenstein” Bob comes to Teddy’s Halloween party without a costume and Teddy makes him pick one to wear out of his closet, two of the many options being Summer Frankenstein and Chewbacca.
*S3E2 at 10:17- “The Warriors” The kids are hiding from teens who are prowling the street for straggling trick-or-treaters, when they hear three teenage boys on bikes, the lead one saying, “Kiiiiddsss, come out and plaayyy.”
*S3E2 at 17:12- “Amazing Grace” Teddy is holding a memorial service for his guinea pig at his Halloween party, complete with his rendition of Amazing Grace.
*S3E3- “Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini by Brian Hyland” BotD: Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Zucchini Burger
*S3E3 at 0:28- “George Hamilton”/ “Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory” Gene is standing over the grill to tan because it’s summer and he “looks like a British lady”, to which Linda replies, “Hey, slow it down, George Hamilton. You wanna look like an Oompa Loompa?”
*S3E3 at 15:35- “Big” Mickey is attempting to tunnel through Bob’s basement wall, hiding the huge hole with a poster from the movie Big, and when Bob asks “What is that?” Mickey goes on to explain the entire plot of the movie to him.
*S3E3 at 19:47- “Willie Nelson” Gene is explaining to Bob and Linda why the kids should be able to continue to work on a weed farm, saying, “Small farms are the backbone of America! Willie Nelson would love this place!” Bob has to reluctantly agree that Willie Nelson would like it there.
*S3E4- “Cat Stevens” The pest control van was called Rat Stevens
*S3E4 at 1:42- “Titanic” The family gets offered a free cruise to Costa Rica, and Linda starts daydreaming about being drawn nude on a sofa like in Titanic. Gene and Tina have the same fantasy.
*S3E5- “The Last of the Mohicans” The pest control van was called The Last of the Mousehicans Pest Control
*S3E5 at 3:02- “Game of Thrones”/ “Angela Lansbury”/ “Dawn of the Dead” Bob mentions Thanksgiving is the family’s favorite holiday, but Gene and Louise correct him, listing nearly every holiday, the Game of Thrones season premiere, “the day of the dead, the Dawn of the Dead”, and Angela Lansbury’s birthday as ranking above Thanksgiving.
*S3E5 at 3:32- “C.S.I. Miami” Every Thanksgiving Bob plays football with Gene, breaks the wishbone with Tina, and he and Louise play Turkey Crime Scene Investigation Miami with the leftover turkey carcass.
*S3E5 at 12:20- “My Neighbor Totoro” Bob is having an absinthe-fueled dream that the turkey has grown huge and is now holding an umbrella and leading the family in a little dance to make Thanksgiving foods grow from the ground, then they all grab onto the turkey and fly off on a little pumpkin, sitting atop all the food.
*S3E6- “The Wild Wild West” The pest control van was called Wild Wild Pest
*S3E6- “Super Freak by Rick James” BotD: She’s a Super Leek Burger
*S3E6 at 2:57- “Bill Bonham” Fischoeder is using the kids as a focus group for new ideas at WonderWharf, after trying to sell them on a bounce house full of jelly Louise says, “Keep pitching, Bonham.”
*S3E6 at 4:33- “Nicolas Cage” Mort is giving the unveiling speech for a giant animatronic shark, and says that it caused problems while filming, “chewing through more scenery than Nicolas Cage.”
*S3E7- “LaVerne & Shirley” The pest control van was called LaVermin Shirley
*S3E7- “Ali Baba & The Forty Thieves” BotD: Open Sesame Bun Burger
*S3E7 at 5:36- “Inspector Gadget” Mort is giving Gene and Louise a ride in the hearse while simultaneously proceeding a funeral, after Gene decides to moon the police escort he tells Mort to drive and yells, “Go oil slick!”
*S3E8- “Jack Be Nimble” The pest control van was called Rat Be Nimble Rat Be Dead
*S3E8 at 0:32- “Yankee Doodle” Gene took a sound sample of his farts and mixed it to be his version of Yankee Doodle which he calls “Stanky Doodle Dandy”.
*S3E8 at 6:58- “We Go Together” Gene gets pressured to continue to date Courtney, and she sings a rendition of We Go Together from Grease in a montage of her smothering him with affection while he avoids her.
*S3E8 at 10:58- “Moby” Gene goes to Courtney’s house to break up, but he can’t because her dad has a room of music equipment, which leads Gene to ask if he’s Moby. Later Gene is fantasizing about “Gear Heaven” and he sees Moby as a multi-armed God of the Synthesizers.
*S3E9- “Silent Night” The pest control van was called Silent Mice Exterminators
*S3E9- “Jingle Bells”, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”, “12 Days of Christmas”, “Silent Night” BotD: One Horse Open Slaw Burger, Jingle Bell Pepper Burger, Santa Claus is Cumin to Town Burger, Fifth Day it Christmas Burger (comes with five golden rings of onion), Silentil Night Burger
*S3E9 at 0:58- “Cool Runnings” The kids are listing what they want for Christmas and Gene says he wants, “...the actual Olympic bobsled used in Cool Runnings.”
*S3E9 at 15:39- “Snakes on a Plane” The kids need a diversion in a sex shop, so they turn on multiple vibrators, setting them loose on the ground while Gene yells, “Snakes on a Plane!!”
*S3E9 at 16:00- “Carol of the Bells” Linda is stalling people outside the restaurant and performs a beautiful version of Carol of the Bells; the only lyrics being “bells bells bells bells huh uh uh bells”.
*S3E10- “Hickory Dickory Dock” The pest control van was called Hickory Dickory Dead Exterminators
*S3E10- “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon” BotD: 50 Ways to Leave Your Guava
*S3E10 at 14:03- “Harry Truman” “Here goes the hair, and there goes the hair. Where is Harry Truman? He’s dead in the ground, he’s dead in the ground, he’s dead dead dead.”
*S3E11- “Hit the Road Jack by Ray Charles” The pest control van was called Hit The Rodent Jack
*S3E11- “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John & KiKi Dee” BotD: Don’t Go Brocking My Heart Burger (comes with broccoli and artichoke hearts)
*S3E11 at 1:42- “The Wire” Hugo forces Bob to watch a hand washing protocol dvd, and Andre Royo from The Wire is the person walking him through the steps.
*S3E11 at 6:08- “Eleanor Roosevelt” Gene decides to depart a little wisdom by saying, “No one can make you look like a turd without your permission- Eleanor Roosevelt.”
*S3E11 at 17:38- “You’re the Best by Joe Esposito” Hugo and Bob are competing against one another in a nude decathlon, the montage song being You’re the Best, sung by Hugo.
*S3E12- “The Munsters”, “A Room With A View by E.M. Forster” BotD: Grandpa Muenster Burger (10% Senior Discount), Mushroom With A View Burger
*S3E12 at 2:07- “Donald Trump” Gene is worried he’ll look like Bob when he gets older, Louise doesn’t help by convincing him he’s balding, and when Gene thinks his hair is falling out he screams, “Oh no! It’s happening! Somebody comb me over! Somebody Trump me!”
*S3E12 at 8:23- “Encyclopedia Brown” Mr. Branca is telling Tina about cleaning up dog poop that was tracked in on someone’s shoe all the way in the reference section in the library, and Tina says, “Talk about Encyclopedia Brown”.
*S3E12 at 11:08- “Walter Cronkite” Louise is encouraging Tina to pursue her journalism, telling her to sniff out the news, yelling, “Sniff, Cronkite, sniff! For the good of the people!”
*S3E12 at 19:19- “Muppet Babies” Gene finally decides he’s done impersonating Bob, he just wants to be a kid again, and Bob is relieved, but Linda says, “Awww, I’m gonna miss my little Muppet Baby Bobby!”
*S3E13- “Midnight Cowboy” The pest control van was called Rat-so Rid-o Pest Control
*S3E13 at 4:57- “Bill Belichick”/ “Peter Frampton”/ “Linda Lavin” Bob is looking for a valentine gift for Linda, but the little glass figurines she likes are too expensive. When Bob tells the clerk this, the retailer accuses him of “not being serious about them”, when Bob asks who is, the clerk lists Belichick, Frampton, and Lavin “just to name a few”.
*S3E13 at 11:47- “Mark Harmon” Gretchen confesses that she called in a bomb threat at the hotel she knew Mark Harmon was staying at so she could watch him evacuate, then she stalked him for a year and half, and hit his wife with her car.
*S3E13 at 14:49- “Back to the Future” Bob and the kids spend all day tracking down the perfect gift for Linda, and when they find it Hugo has already bought it. Bob tried to give up, but Tina begs, “No, you have to get the testometer for Mom, I’m starting to disappear!”
*S3E13 at 17:38- “Vinny Testaverde” Gretchen also confesses to running over Vinny Testaverde’s wife with her car.
*S3E14- “The Iceman Cometh by Eugene O’Neill” The pest control van was called The Miceman Cometh
*S3E314- “Don’t You (Forget About Me) by Simple Minds”, “Only The Lonely by Roy Orbison” BotD: Don’t You Four Cheddar ‘Bout Me Burger, Only The Provolonely Burger
*S3E14 at 0:24- “Hermann Rorschach”/ “As Good as It Gets” Gene splatters mustard on a napkin and Louise yells, “Tina, Rorschach Test! What is it?!” And Tina replies, “Greg Kinnear from As Good as It Gets?”. Gene says, “YES!...wow.”
*S3E14 at 4:20- “Steve Miller Band” Linda is meeting her new coworkers, one of which is in a Steve Miller Band Cover Band, with that news Linda replies, “Does anyone ever call you The Space Cowboy? Ha!”
*S3E14 at 5:34- “The Wild Bunch”/ “One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest” Mort and Teddy are joking about what movie they would name their testicles after; Mort says The Wild Bunch and Teddy says One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest.
S3E14 at 5:57- “Jimmy Crack Corn by Virginia Minstrels” Linda is at her new job, stocking shelves and singing to the tune of Jimmy Crack Corn, “Linda stocks shelves and she don’t care”.
*S3E15- “Earth, Wind, & Fire” The business next door is called Earth, Wind, & Tires.
*S3E15- “Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top” BotD: Sharp Cheddar Dressed Man Burger
*S3E15 at - “Mad Men” Bob comes to the breakfast table dressed in a nice suit and Louise exclaims, “Wow, Don Draper is kinda fat this season.”
*S3E15 at 3:34- “Ghostbusters” Gene wanders into the woods and hears a disembodied voice (unbeknownst to him it’s coming from a toilet) say hello, and Gene responds, “Are you a ghost? Because I’m a Ghostbuster.”
*S3E15 at 4:20- “Queen Elizabeth II”/ “Whitney Houston” Gene finds out the toilet is intelligent and he is asking it all kinds of questions, like, “Who’s the Queen of England” the toilet’s answer was Elizabeth II, and when he asked, “Who’s the Queen of the Night?” the answer was Whitney Houston.
*S3E15 at 5:08- “Eddie Money” Gene says he has to go home and bet his sisters a thousand bucks there’s a talking toilet in the woods because that’s “easy money”, and the toilet begins to play Eddie Money.
*S3E15 at 7:13- “Stand by Me”/ “Stand and Deliver” Gene is showing Tina and Louise to the cool surprise in the woods, and Louise asks, “Is it a body, like in Stand by Me?” and Tina says, “Or is it a great teacher, like in Stand and Deliver?”
*S3E15 at 15:53- “Wings” Gene and the toilet are about to fly off a broken bridge, Gene tells the toilet to activate its wings and it begins playing the artist Wings.
*S3E15 at 15:57- “E.T.” After Gene flies off the bridge we get a recreation of the iconic bike scene from E.T.
*S3E16- “I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou”, “Gone in Sixty Seconds” BotD: I Know Why The Cajun Burger Sings, Tarragon in Sixty Seconds Burger
*S3E16 at 1:52- “Thomas Edison” Louise’s new science teacher is obsessed with Thomas Edison, making Louise do her science fair project on one of his inventions.
*S3E16 at 3:34- “Topsy” If Edison exists in their world, it’s obviously safe to say Topsy does too, but it’s worth noting Edison is still a massive piece of garbage in the Bob’s Burgers universe as well. Plus Topsy deserves her own reference.
*S3E16 at 9:56- “Milli Vanilli” Gene wants Gayle and Mr. Fischoeder to sing for Louise’s project but Tina reminds him they can’t use adults, to which Gene replies, “It’s okay, we’re gonna Milli Vanilli this.” Tina says, “Sorry, I don’t speak Italian.”
*S3E16 at 14:12- “Steel Magnolias”/ “War Horse” One of Louise’s classmates snitches on her for her Topsy project, and when she’s confronted she yells at him, “You son of a snitch! What’s your favorite movie? Squeal Magnolias?!” He simply replies, “War Horse.”
*S3E17- “Herman’s Head” The pest control van was called Vermin’s Head Pest Control
*S3E17 at 10:34- “L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole” Jimmy Jr. is trying his best to get Tina to go to the dance with him by dressing up as a horse and singing a rendition of L-O-V-E (his version is T-I-N-A), and all the lyrics are about how Tina takes his breath away, but it isn’t as cute as it sounds.
*S3E17 at 13:56- “The Nutcracker” Tina is at her first school dance with Josh, and as they enter the dance floor she says, “Just think of me as your Nutcracker.” Josh replies, “What about ‘the lipcracker’?”, which is so weird and corny that it’s perfect for Tina.
*S3E18- “Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare” The pest control van was called Mouse Ado About Nothing Exterminators
*S3E18 at 7:32- “Take it to the Limit by The Eagles”/ “So You Think You Can Dance” The kids get hired to go into the Florida swamp and find a dog-eating python, and Louise suggests they do it all the time, and they could have their own reality show. Tina suggests calling the show ‘Snake it to the Limit’ and Louise suggests ‘So You Think You Can Snake’.
*S3E19- “Working for the Weekend by Loverboy” The pest control van was called Working for the Squeak-end Pest Control.
*S3E19 at 9:00- “Family Feud” The Belchers have been on a game show for a week and the host is complaining to his producer that he wants them to leave; so his producer tells him it’s just part of the job, like when Richard Dawson kissed ALL the women on Family Feud, he didn’t get to pick and choose.
*S3E19 at 13:44- “Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights” Bob is stewing to the kids about Jimmy Pesto winning the minivan and they basically say, yeah that’s great but we gotta go, because Jimmy Jr. is having a screening in the new van of Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, and they wanna get a good spot.
*S3E19 at 16:04- “Great Balls of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis” Bob decides to sue Jimmy Pesto over cheating at a ball game on the game show Family Fracas, and he doesn’t have a choice but to do it on a court tv show. The court show has decided to call their case the Great Balls of Ire.
*S3E19 at 17:16- “Henry Kissinger” When court isn’t really going in Bob’s favor, Gene yells, “I’d like to call a witness! Henry Kissinger!”
*S3E20- “Jake and The Fatman” The pest control van was called Jake and The Ratman Pest Control.
*S3E20- “Top Gun” BotD: Top Bun Burger Louise later changes it to Top Butt Burger
*S3E20 at 20:31- “Meryl Streep” Bob just avoided having to pay Mr. Fischoeder a gambling debt by gambling more, when he wants to quit the kids urge him to continue, and Gene says, “Keep the luck going, Meryl Streak!”
*S3E21 at 5:57- “Marilyn Monroe” Gene is at a table-scaping competition with Linda and Bob, and the table next to theirs is Marilyn Monroe themed, which causes Linda to say, “Awwww, Marilyn. Tragic beauty.”
*S3E21 at 6:22- “Joe DiMaggio” The father of the dad and son duo at the Monroe table is boasting about how their table is better than Gene’s before he smugly says, “Come on, we still have a crying Joe DiMaggio to carve out of butter.”
*S3E21 at 19:20- “Jessica McClure” Gene placed 4th with his table-scaping, and Linda said she already has an idea for next year, “Baby Jessica stuck in a well!” Gene agreed that’s a great idea, adding, “You have to look for your dinner for two days, as the nation watches.”
*S3E22- “Road to Perdition” The pest control van was called Rodent to Perdition Pest Control.
*S3E23- “Terms of Endearment” The pest control van was called Exterms of Endearment Exterminators.
*S3E23- “Free to Be... You and Me by Marlo Thomas” BotD: Free to Brie You and Me Burger
*S3E23 at 5:01- “A Few Good Men” Bob can’t decide on a Burger of the Day, but knows it’ll have Gouda, and Tina, in her espresso-fueled daze, quickly lists ten options, one of them being A Few Gouda Men.
*S3E23 at 5:57- “Frankenstein” Gene is struggling at baseball and Bob says it might be because he’s afraid of the ball, and Gene says he’s afraid because the stitches on the ball remind him of Frankenstein.
*S3E23 at 13:18- “Lou Gehrig” Rudy is at baseball camp, wheezing, and asking the instructor if he can take a break, to which the “coach” replies, “A very famous baseball player whose name I can’t think of right now had Lou Gehrig’s Disease, and he didn’t let that slow him down. It was inspiring.”
*S3E23 at 14:56- “Trainspotting” Tina is going through caffeine withdrawals, and while laying under the counter she hallucinates a little Jimmy Jr. in a baby onesie crawling above her, before his head slowly twists around like the scene in Trainspotting.
*S3E23 at 16:54- “Babe Ruth” When the baseball camp instructor is getting evicted he tells all the kids to take a swing at his landlord’s soda machine, when Gene asks if that’s vandalism, the coach says, “Babe Ruth used to beat the crap out of a root beer machine! Now look at him.”
*S3E23 at 18:26- “Ted Talk” When Bob questions the legitimacy of the baseball instructor Andy and Ollie assure him he’s legit, he’s even planning a Ted Talk.
*S3E23 at 20:19- “Toad the Wet Sprocket” While everyone is arguing whether Gene got a hit or not, the baseball coach drives away, and Gene says, “He gave us his magic, then disappeared. Like Toad the Wet Sprocket.”
submitted by TheMightyCloud to BobsBurgers [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 00:56 Admirable-Idea-8898 Guy from past randomly "emphasized" my photo in our text string

Last year before covid hit I (29f) went on a few dates with a guy we'll call L (41m). We enjoyed each other's company but in March he got upset at me for blowing him off one sunday afternoon early in the pandemic and early into us knowing each other. (he was an essential worker, a lawyer going in and out of the courthouse) I didn't like him enough or have enough invested in him to be patient with his feelings plus the whole world was burning down at that moment and I just wasn't into the dramatics. Which is fine. We stopped talking.
Last week I received a text notification that L "emphasized" an image at like 1 am. I went through our text messages and couldn't even find the picture that was interacted with (emphasized means he clicked the message and clicked "!!!" on it, other choices are heart, thumb's down, thumb's up, ect on the iphone) that led me to believe the picture was deep in the text string.
I responded with an "lol" to which I got NO response. Again whatever that's fine. But now after a week has gone by I'm just mulling over it. What was he trying to accomplish? There's no way you can accidentally click one of the emphasizers, let alone scroll to the very beginnings of our text conversations to find the said pic to click on. If he wanted to make his presence known why not answer my lol text? I hate games. Was he trying to make me aware that he has some nudes of me? Like I'm supposed to care about that? Someone please help me decipher these childish games.
submitted by Admirable-Idea-8898 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 17:45 RyderDrox 20 Years down the drain?

I found this thread by coming across Youtube videos reading posts that were similar to my situation. I figured I would give it a try.
I am 48, and have been married for 20 years in January. A little history; I come from a broken, violent, alcoholic childhood. Trust is key to me, and structure, safety, and providing are paramount to my existence. I met my wife when we were working in a restaurant. I was a manager and she was an employee, 5 years younger than me. She lost her parents to a car accident as a toddler and was raised by her Uncle. She has huge abandonment issues, is extremely emotional, and can be violently rageful in certain situations. She is mostly kind and loving, and the support and dedication I have shown her over the last 20 years has helped to quiet her soul and rage.
When we first started working together I found her very attractive, but i did not pursue anything because i was her manager. I had a part time gig bartending and she used to come down to the bar to see me and flirt. I didn't encourage her behavior, but I was always nice in turning her down. About a month into her coming down to visit she came in one night, walked right up to me, jumped into my arms, and started making out with me. This time I didn't turn her away, I mean, who would. Here was a striking, young, full of energy girl who obviously was extremely attracted to me. I had just ended a 5-year marriage that was a huge mistake, and I had a young daughter. I was just getting back out on the scene, was fit, and enjoying the company of several women. Who was I to pass up on someone like this? We spent that night together and I told her the next day that she would have to quit her job at the restaurant if she wanted us to continue seeing each other. She put in her notice that day.
We were together pretty much everyday after that. She basically moved in with me, and we went and got all her things from where she was staying a week later. I stopped seeing anyone else and even had to turn one of the other girls down when that girl came into my work and told me she "needed" to fuck. I told her I couldn't because I was in a relationship, and the girl said, "No one will know." I told her "I would," and she left.
My current wife and I had some small disagreements early on, and there was a lot of the dating games that young people play going on. I felt I was too old for all of that bullshit, and one night, after she had decided to stay out with her friends instead of coming home with me, I went to our apartment, packed all of her shit, and placed it all on the doorstep. I sat on the couch and waited for her to come home. I saw the headlights from her friends car as they dropped her off, and I watched through the peephole as she walked up to the doorstep. She stood there, frozen, looking at all of her suitcases standing before her. I opened the door, saw the tears streaming down her face, and said the following;
"I am too old for these games. I am here, right now, in front of you and you need to make a choice. You have to love my daughter, and take care of me and I will always take care of you. If you can do that, then grab your things and come inside." She came in and we have been together ever since.
During the first few years of our marriage I was clearly not ready to be the man I am today. I racked up two DUIs and I cheated on her 4 or 5 times. She never knew about the infidelities, and after the last DUI she told me "I love you more than anything, but I can't do this. If you ever get another DUI I will have to leave you." That was the end of all the drinking and extra marital stuff for me. I was 100% dedicated after that.
I spent the next 20 years building my career. I took jobs all throughout the state, and we had to move an hour-and-a-half away from our hometown for a job. My wife just couldn't do it. We had a baby by then, and she felt too isolated, so I moved her back to town and started commuting to work...for 7 years. It was ROUGH, but I did it to provide for my family and so I got through it. Eventually a spot came open in our hometown with my company and I took it. Later, I was grabbed up by a private owner to run his businesses, and finally another private group brought me on and gave me an ownership slice to run their units.
After 15 years together I had reached the pinnacle in my business life, my family was doing well, and I was making more money than I ever had. My wife wanted to go back to school to further her education, and I was at work so much that I thought it was fine. Work became pretty toxic at work, and that environment began to grind me down. I began to close off and internalize, and my relationship with my wife really suffered. Were were rarely intimate, only having sex a few times a year, and she has an over active libido. I was depressed and unapproachable, and really I was just dying inside.
My wife started asking to go hangout with some of our friends while I was at work. I didn't like it, but at that point I was dead inside and just said ok to whatever she wanted to do. It was easier for her to be gone than to face her disappointment with me when I got home from a soul crushing work environment. Her outings became more and more frequent, but I was ok with it because she was spending time with people I had been friends with for 20 years. I completely trusted everyone in the circle that she was hanging out with. I know, I'm an idiot.
About a year ago I started to realize that this work environment was not going to work for me anymore. I was constantly at odds with the partners, and we were not even on speaking terms anymore. I started to look back at my life and what I saw was that I had shut out everything that I had ever valued about myself. I had turned myself into a soulless ATM to provide comfort and stability for my family. I was barren of emotion. DOn't get me wrong, there were great times as a family during those two decades, but as a person I was empty. I decided that after my wife completed her education I was going to look for another way to make money, and I was going to try and recapture some of myself.
It was during this exact time when my wife decided she would try a new life on for herself. One of the guys in the group, someone I had been friends with for 20 years, decided to hold her hand on one of those group outings, and that started a year-long emotional affair.
During that time I could feel some discomfort in the back of my head when she went out with our friends, but I was so dead inside that I just ignored it. I didn't want to face any more pain or discomfort at the time. We went on through the beginning of this year, and I noticed that my wife was becoming more aloof and distant, but I was still in no place to address her behavior emotionally. then Covid hit. We were sequestered in lock down for months, and she later told me that she felt this would be the time that she and I could reconnect and revitalize our marriage. Unfortunately I was still in the process of shedding that work life and I was unable to bridge the gap initially.
We started lockdown in April, and by June she had decided that she was going to leave me when she completed her program. Of course, I had no idea. During quarantine I didn't have work, so there were more opportunities for me to start seeing my friends again. My wife and I were invited to a wedding that one of the guys in the group was having and it was the first time in over a year that I was going to be able to see them all. I was super excited, and I had a great time, but my wife's AP was forced to face what he was doing when I showed up. He started to cut off their interaction, and after a second gathering during the same month, he basically cut it all the way off.
So now my wife of 19 years is facing multiple decisions; her program was almost complete, her marriage to me was over, and the relationship she hoped to carry on after she left me was finished as well. She still didn't have the courage to tell me she was leaving because she needed my support to get passed the finish line, but she had to start planting seeds for how her new life would develop.
3 weeks before she was to take her boards and get her license she brought up the idea of taking a job at the coast 2 hours away. She said it was because there were no jobs in town, she would make a lot of money at the coast, and she could start working right away. She then said she had an interview the next day. I. of course, did not agree, and it was during that discussion/argument that I felt we were no longer having a conversation about my wife working at the coast, but that we were discussing her leaving me.
I confronted her about what she was really talking about, but she wasn't ready to pull the trigger. I told her that I loved her more than anything, but that I wouldn't beg her to stay. I told her that she wasn't responsible for me, and she didn't need to feel guilty because I had taken care of them for the last 20 years. I just want to know what you are going to do so I can start putting my life back together.
It took me a minute to get my wits about me, and then the investigation began. I got into her computer and found archived drafts of letters she had written AP over the last year. I scoured all of the avenues in her computer and discovered she had stopped syncing all of her devices the previous year. I started piecing things together, and then I found AP's name. At first, I was shocked, but a second later I thought, "of course it was him."
I set up counseling for us, but it had to be through zoom because of Covid. I had sent everything I found and how I felt to our counselor. We had seen her, off and on, for about 15 years, and she is really the reason my wife and I had lasted as long as we did. On the day of my wife's appointment I was out driving around, having a mental breakdown. I was driving through the foothills outside of town screaming and howling at the top of my lungs. I felt guilty about pushing her away and I was taking responsibility for the end of our marriage. I felt like it was me who had violated her, and I wanted to die. I wanted to point my truck at a brick wall and drive into it at 100 mph.
Just as I was calming down and heading back home my wife called me. I didn't answer because I couldn't talk. Well, during their session our counselor used AP's name and my wife freaked out. My wife hadn't told anyone about the affair and she couldn't figure out how our counselor knew. She went and opened my ipad and found the evidence I had scraped from her computer. My wife was frantically calling me to see where I was because...get this...she was afraid for AP.
More to come...if you want.
Lot's of interesting comments so far....

My wife asks if I have confronted AP and I say no. She is horrified at the prospect of me contacting him saying it wasn't his fault and he doesn't deserve this. What she forgets is that AP and I have been good friends for 20 years, and his violation is just as much a betrayal as hers. This conversation follows the arch that many of the following ones where we settle, we talk, and then we resolve to continue trying with each other.
We start going to counseling separately, and our therapist lets it be known that my wife will have a long road getting over this love that she had for AP. As I was not emotionally available for my wife for so many years the therapist says that the affair, though only an emotional one, was strong and will be difficult for my wife to let go of for some time. It is gutting to hear this, but I know that I contributed to putting my wife in this mindset. It didn't matter that I had worked my ass off for 20 years, slept in cars and bathed in mop sinks to provide for my family. What mattered was that my wife was left, for all intents and purposes, alone in our marriage. I felt tremendous guilt for that.
As we progressed in counseling I obviously struggled with trust. I tried to manage my desire to go through all of her devices and find everything. I wanted to know if they were still communicating, and I didn't believe that they had not been physical. It shouldn't have mattered because trust was broken either way, but it gnawed at me.
I started watching videos and reading books about infidelity and most of them stated that the cheater was most often expected to provide access to all of their devices and communications if they truly desired to reestablish trust. I hated the idea of asking for that access, but I wanted it too. I just avoided the situation for the time being.
At this point I was very weak emotionally. I was terrified that I was going to lose my wife of 20 years, and I felt no power to ask or demand anything from her. It was as if I had betrayed her after 20 years. I was walking on eggshells in our communication. We did reconnect physically, getting after it sometimes 3 or 4 times a day. We had more sex in the first two weeks after I discovered her infidelity than we had in the last five years. It was amazing. The times in between our intimacy were excruciating.
After a couple weeks I could not shake the need to contact AP, so I did. I sent him a text letting him know that I had discovered he had an affair with my wife. I explained to him that I had placed her in a terrible situation in our marriage and that I understood how it happened. I told him that I wanted to talk it out with him so that the three of us could move on because we all shared a very close nit set of friends and I didn't want it to be awkward forever. Crickets.
The next day, as I was driving to work, my wife sent me a text asking if I had contacted AP. I lied and said no and she immediately responded, "Goddammit, don't lie to me." I would later learn that AP was no longer responding to her messages. Their preferred App to communicate was Snapchat, and he left her messages unattended. She deduced that I had contacted AP and he was spooked. I fessed up that I had indeed contacted him, but I told her that the text was less about her and more about the long relationship that I had with AP. I wanted to try and salvage what I could for the three of us. Wife was furious of course, and immediately left our house to meet with AP at his home.
I was an hour away for work and immediately set off for home. Wife was at AP's house for under five minutes before heading home. I called her, but she responded that she needed a minute. Later learned that she needed a minute because she was messaging him and he was not responding. When she got home she called and we talked until I got home, and then for an hour after before making love and falling asleep. She asked me not to contact AP anymore unless he requested and I agreed. I was still a fragile little shell inside. This could not feel worse.
We spent our days together, carefully watching each other, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every move, every phrase, every turn of the eye took on its' own significance and signaled something that had to be deciphered. It was exhausting. We started taking trips away from town, and when we were away the shadows of AP seemed less looming. We worked on rebuilding this marriage that we had lived for 20 years, but there was always this whisper in the back of my mind. Four weeks into the rehabilitation we were shopping at a Lowes, and as we were talking an alert popped up on her phone. Wife looks at phone, and then turns away to enter code. Devastated. I knew that she was still hiding things. I felt like this would never be over.
Because I didn't think things would end unless I did something I contacted AP again and arranged a meeting, which he agreed to. I didn't tell Wife until the day of the meeting, and 30 minutes before heading over I told her that AP had asked to meet. The light and loving face that she had been carrying daily turned to a nasty scowl. She told me "I won't be here when you get back." I was thrown back, and I almost said I wouldn't go, but I told her I needed for this piece to be done. "What are you guys going to do, talk about what a pice of shit I am?" I told her, again, that it was about my relationship with AP, and not just about her.
I left and met AP at a restaurant. We took some shots and got right into it. He explained how he had just gotten out of a terrible relationship and that the attention Wife provided him helped his depression. He said he let it go too far, and I said, "Yeah, the nudes she sent you and the sexting were too far." His gaze fell to the floor and he acknowledged it was wrong. We talked for about an hour, and then I headed home. Wife wasn't there when I got home. She was driving around town, probably blowing off some steam, and I was drunk, so I went to bed. She got home around 1 am. She had stopped by a couples house that we were friends with and had gotten a call for a ride form our daughter. She woke me up when she got home and asked what was said during my meeting with AP. I told her, again, that it had not been about her, but that we were talking about how it happened, and how we should proceed together. We talked for awhile, made love again, and went to sleep.
At this point the ping pong affect of being blissfully physical and emotionally betrayed was wearing on me. During one of my sessions the therapist had emphasized that there should be no communication between AP and Wife. Therapist explained that Wife would never get past the affair with continued contact. I agreed. Therapist also said that Wife should allow access to all devices to reassure me and that she should be trying to build trust instead of me doing all of the heavy lifting. When I mentioned it to my wife she said, "I will give you the code if you want it." That was not the response I wanted from her. I wanted her to just turn her phone over to me and tell me the code. She was bluffing, and I knew it, but I didn't call. Still so weak.
During a the next therapy session my counselor told me that I was being a doormat, and that I needed to set some firm parameters. She told me that at this point I was prostituting myself for emotional love from my wife, and if I didn't stop we would never make it long term. She told me that Wife should block AP on all social media and give me full access. I told her I would bring it up with wife.
Wife and I headed out of town for her job at the coast and as we were discussing where to eat I told her to find somewhere quiet so we could talk. I had been riding my bike over with her, and we would stay at a hotel for a couple of nights together before I headed back home for work on Wednesday. This was the third week we had done it, and I wanted to get the boundaries established before I headed home. We had discussed her blocking AP the day before and she had agreed. I was going to let her know I wanted access to all of her stuff at dinner and make sure that she had deleted/blocked him on all her social media. I meekishly brought up the conversation I had with the therapist and laid out the list of boundaries. I was so afraid to ruin the good times that we were sharing that I had a hard time bringing this stuff up, and I never did when we were arguing because I didn't want to become rageful, say something terrible, and ruin everything. I was a mess.
Wife was apprehensive about the code to her phone, but ultimately gave it to me. She also agreed to the boundaries, and I felt like we had made real progress. Then I asked her, "Did you delete AP from Snapchat?" She responded, "I unfriended him." I told her that wasn't the same thing, and she said "I did whatever it is so he doesn't appear on the App." I should have asked to see her phone, but I knew she was lying, and I didn't want to fuck up the whole night. We finished dinner and headed back to the hotel.
I resolved in my mind what I was going to do that night. I hadn't slept through the night in over a month, and I knew that I would wake up in the middle of the night. I was going to take her phone into the bathroom and go through EVERYTHING, and when I found all of the lies I was going to hop on my bike, head home and on to the rest of my life.
Wife had to work early so we turned in around 9pm. I had pre-packed all of my stuff knowing that I would most likely be leaving in the middle of the night. Wife just thought I was packing to leave the next day anyway, so there were no red flags for her. I woke up around 3 in the morning, walked over to her side of the bed, grabbed her phone off the charger and walked into the bathroom. I opened the phone, and selected the Snapchat App. I had google searched how to find friends in the App to see if she had deleted him, but I didn't need to because as soon as the App opened there was an alert of a message from AP. I opened the message and saw that they had been messaging all through the night.
I wasn't even sad anymore. Not mad. Not hurt. Just disappointed. I then went through her entire phone, taking pictures of all the messages, all the pics she sent him. all the texts to her one friend that she had confided in, and when I felt like I had everything I returned the phone to the stand, got dressed, and hit the road.
She woke up around 7 am and sent me a text asking where I was. I just replied with a screen shot of her message to AP the previous evening. All of a sudden Wife was in a panic. All of the stoic strength she had presented the previous 10 weeks vanished and she started begging for another chance. She apologized for betraying me, and she promised she would delete the App and allow me access to everything. She told me that she only ever loved me and that she would do anything to keep us together. I told her that we would talk when she got back home on Friday.
That was six weeks ago. She did delete the app, and things have been going relatively well for us. This is an opportunity for us to have the marriage that the both of us had always intended. I still have these lingering doubts, and I still find myself peering over her shoulder when she is on her phone. When I walk into the room I watch to see if she is swiping out of some secret messaging App. I confronted AP that day I had found her messaging him and basically told him to fuck off and that he was ruining our marriage with continued communication. He ghosted her, but not before he made some belittling remarks about her saying that he was doing his best to respond in a "short and concise manner hoping that eventually it would stop." During a later conversation with Wife I showed her that text and she was devastated. It was gross to see her disappointment, but at the same time it was cathartic. Hopefully she would better be able to move on.
My question now is, does anyone think we can get through this? My doubts linger, but soften as time goes on. I struggle with thinking how they were communicating with each other while I was laying next to her, or while we were on family vacations. I don't think she would ever do this again, but I am not sure that she won't wake up and just want to leave. I don't know that I might not do the same. All I want is for us to move on into our twilight years together, but I wonder if we will be able to do it.
submitted by RyderDrox to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 13:13 Burntagnc What you are looking for is..... (Link in the Desc.)5

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submitted by Burntagnc to u/Burntagnc [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 06:07 Yankeedoodle7 Going in circles with the same guy

I (21f) have recently begun talking again to a (22m) past love interest/date/people who use to like each other. We went to high school together. Never really spoke much. In college we kind of reconnected, back when I was 18 and he was 19. I should say my first year in college, he went to trade school to become an electrician. We are from Georgia, he stayed in our hometown. However, I go to college in Michigan. We spoke off and on my freshman year of college via text/social media, nothing serious ever really happened with it as I was busy with my life in Michigan and him with his back home in Georgia. Over that summer, 2019, I took and internship in Michigan for the summer. I was honestly pretty lonely as all my college friends went back home for the summer and I was up in Michigan working my first professional/office job. I began talking to him more during this time. We got to know each other a little better and he asked if I wanted to hang out when I came home in October for fall break. I said yes and we agreed to go to the beach.
Honestly, I was very unsure with what he wanted. I didn’t know if he was coming over hoping for us to casually hook up or coming over because he liked me and wanted something more serious. He never asked for nudes or anything like that- it was very much entirely us talking to each other with no focus on the sexual aspect. I do not do casual hook ups. I would like to, but I can’t, I get way too attached way too easy and it destroys me emotionally. I just can’t handle it. I really don’t have a problem with kissing or getting fingered by someone I am interest in but that’s it. That’s as far as it goes. At that point I need to put it to a stop and kind of figure out where I stand with a dude. Anyway, that being said, at this pint I have also not had sex in two years/since I was with my last boyfriend. Like I said, I cannot do casual, it leads me into an emotional train wreck, so my choice is to just not have sex.
Anyway- we live about 45 minutes away from each other so the plan was for him to pick me up and then go over to the beach- about a 5 minutes drive from my house. He rings my door bell, I answer the door, give him a hug, and let him come him in because I still have to grab my towel and sunblock. He comes inside, and to my surprise, says “when do I get to meet your parents?” Which was an incredibly shocking statement to me. Anyway, I told him my mom was at work, because she was, and my dad was in his office on a conference call, because he was.
Anyway, we get in his truck and go to the beach. We have a fun time. We like a lot of the same things. We both are more the type to go in the water and goof off as opposed to sit on the shore. So we dug a hole and buried me in it and then dug more holes and I think we both had a really really good time.
We then left and went to Chick fil A because it was about dinner time and took it back to my house and ate it at the table and watched hydraulic pressure videos on YouTube which was also a lot of fun. My dad came out of his office and said Hello and he met him. Then he asked if he could take a shower and I said of course. So he took a shower and while he was in the shower I vacuumed the sand out of his car because I think it’s a polite thing to do. We then lit a bunch of candles and poured the wax together and put it in the microwave for a very long time. Which is also, probably really strange, but we both had a lot of fun doing it.
My mom then got home from work, and was a little surprised because I didn’t tell her I was having a boy over. It wasn’t a secret, my dad knew, I just assumed he would probably be gone by the time she left so there wasn’t really a point in bringing it up beforehand. Anyway, we all talked for like an hour and had pretty good conversation and it wasn’t awkward. My mom then left the room and he said Can I come back tomorrow? Again, I was a little shocked because typically people don’t ask for a second “hang out” while still in the first one. However, I very much wanted him to come back too so I said yes. But before he left for the day we decided to go to Publix (grocery store) to get a pumpkin because we were gonna carve it the next day when he came back. I said I will drive, because I know where the closest publix is, and so we got in my car. When we get in the car he looks me in the eyes and says “I really wanted to eat you out today.” And I just laughed and started driving.
Like ??? now I’m back to not knowing what this is. Is this a date or hook up? Like I get that I go to school 1,000 miles away so there has to be some facilitation of a relationship virtually but there has also been no mention of anything sex related up until this point. So what is going on that on the first date you’re going to look me eyes and say you want to eat me out?
Anyway, we get to Publix, pick a pumpkin, and go home. We leave the pumpkin at my house. We hug goodbye. And he leaves.
The next morning he texts me and tells me he forgot he had to work today would it be okay if he came the next day (a Friday). I said yes. It’s not a problem at all- totally normal thing to happen.
I assumed again that my parents would be there, and liked that because it kind of prevents things from going to a place of too sexual too soon, for my personal taste. However, on Thursday my Mom texts me that she will not be coming home Friday, she’s leaving for a business trip. My brother, I just have one sibling, is going to be out of town for a baseball tournament, and he’s leaving Thursday morning. My dad says he’s going to watch the tournament, and he’s leaving Thursday night. So now, I am going to be alone at the house on Friday. I wasn’t going to cancel, because I need be able to handle the situation myself.
Friday comes, he comes over at like 2. We carve the pumpkin. Well mainly he does because it’s hard for two people to carve a singular pumpkin. Anyway, after the pumpkin we go inside and decide to play a game and we end playing Guess Who. We play for a little while and he asks if I want to drink. I said okay, because I do enjoy drinking. He asked if it was okay if sleepover if we drink. I said yes because obviously I am not going to encourage drunk driving. So, we go to the store and get two four lokos, per my request.
On our drive to the store we talked about normal things. He asked me why my last boyfriend and I broke up. Which is fine, I don’t mind the question at all. He also said to me “I can’t tell if you like me or not”. I had no idea what he meant by that. Like in general? Or like like? So I said well if I didn’t I wouldn’t have let you come over. Which in hindsight was a pretty stupid answer and I should have just said yes. But. What’s done is done.
We come home, order a pizza, are drinking and continue to play Guess Who. We then get tired of that and move to watching TV. He starts playing with my hair and then asks if can kiss me. I said yes and we start making out. He then takes my shirt off and his off. Then my pants and starts fingering me and then eating me out. I became a little uncomfortable, because I think he wanted it to go further than this and this was the maximum amount I was comfortable we with for now but I think he got the message and stopped. We both enjoy a pretty rough time sexually which is also very excellent. I don’t want someone who will be rough for me because I like it but because we both like it, and this checks that box. However, I am again unsure whether he’s here for a hookup or because he likes me. Anyway, he carries me to my room and puts me in my bed and says to me he can sleep on the couch if I want him to. I said no he can sleep in my bed. So he slept in my bed and there was no cuddling or anything. For me, I did not want to initiate any cuddling because I don’t want to give some sort of mixed signal that I want things to go further. I can’t speak for him, but I assume he didn’t initiate anything because he didn’t want to make it seem like he was trying to push things further after I had indicated that I wanted to stop.
We wake up in the morning and he asks if I want to go in my pool. I said yes and get up to get dressed and put on my bathing suit. We go in my kitchen and stand around and he then asks if I want to “finish what we started last night.” I did not say anything and just stood there like a fence post. Honestly I was thinking it was finished. He comes over. Picks me up and takes me to my room. We make out again, takes my top off, he takes his off shirt off, takes my pants off. Starts fingering me and eating me out. I am just laying there thinking oh god I can’t believe I’m gonna have to just tell him to stop again.
Like I feel bad because this is somebody I am interested in. However, I have no idea what the situation is? Does he like me or is this a hook up? I need time to think about my emotions and how I’m feeling. I also have an IUD, if you get an STD with an IUD you can get infections that cause all your eggs to go sterile. So it’s important to me that my partner and I have an STD test done before we have sex.
Anyway, he’s eating me out and looks up and says did you cum. And I said no. Because I didn’t. And like, I don’t care at all. I still had a good time with someone I like. I also find it incredibly hard to orgasm the very first time with a new person. I think a lot of it, for girls at least, is being in the right headspace and being very comfortable with your partner. I would honestly prefer to not orgasm the first time because it’s just too much emotions for someone I’m not that familiar with yet.
Anyway, I think he was a bit bummed out that I’d didn’t orgasm. He got back in top of me and said “do you want to have sex?” And I said “No.” and he said “That’s what I thought, do you want to suck my dick?” And I said “No.” and he said “That’s what I thought.” After that we put our clothes back on and went back into the kitchen and sat in there for about 5 minutes and then he said he was going to leave because he had work later. So I told him goodbye at the door and gave him a hug.
That was a pretty hurtful sequence of events for me. I do not think he knows that but it was. I a lot of times lead myself down a path of thought of “if you liked someone why would you say that to them?” I think he must not realize how hurtful that was for me? I don’t know. But that was pretty hurtful to me.
We continued to talk per usual. I went back to school 2 days later because break was over. I thought a lot about what had happened. It is hard for me to have sex so easily with a new person. However, I also think sex is a really big part of what makes a relationship work. So I decided that I kind of needed to be willing to make some progress on that. Especially since I spend most of my time in Michigan, it can be hard to make that work. I agreed to send him some nudes and it wasn’t anything expansive. Just 1 or 2 here and there. It was something I was comfortable with doing and something that he liked so I thought it was some good common ground to work with. I came home in December and decided it was probably my turn to ask him to hang out so I asked and he said “I am busy.” I was disappointed, but decided it is very fair for people to be busy. So a week later I asked if he wanted to hang out soon and he said “I’m busy.” Neither time was it a I’m busy what about next week? Just I’m busy. So, to me, that’s a pretty clear message. If you ask someone to hang out twice and both times they give an empty I’m busy with not attempt to reschedule, they don’t want to hang out. I was upset. I was angry with him. I felt kind of played. I continued to still speak to him but much less and kept him at bay and eventually go back to school in early January.
In early February (2020), he messages me and asks me, kind of out of the blue if back in October when he came over if I had feelings for him. I said I did but didn’t really feel they were reciprocated, as I then asked him multiple times after that if he wanted to hang out and he declined both times. He said that makes sense and asked why when he ate me out I didn’t reciprocate that to him. I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing that because I felt like I didn’t know him enough for that yet. He said okay. I then asked him what’s wrong (as he seemed sad) and he told me he feels like he will never have a girlfriend that likes him as much as he likes her. I had no idea what to do with that information as I do not ever think that I was formally his girlfriend so I was like I’m sorry to hear that. Anyway, I took from this conversation that things were going to get better. I thought this was an acknowledgement of what we need to do to fix this. We started talking more again, and the general this and that. Things got a little more in depth. I asked him to send me dick pics and I continue to send him nudes. It got a little more in depth talking wise as well as he told me we could make this work. I started to get excited to come home and see him.
I came home in March for spring break and he didn’t ask me to hang out so I said I thought we were going to hang out. He said I can Friday and I said I can’t I’ll be out of town and then I go back to Michigan but I think school is going to get shutdown because of COVID so I think I will be here longer. He said okay sounds good. Nothing really happens. I again feel upset because I thought this had been fixed and things were going to get better. In late March I decided to tell him this. I told him I was unhappy and thought things were going to get better. He told me that he thought we agreed to be friends. So, essentially, the conversation we had in february we both took two extremely different ways. Anyway, I was a little irritated because at this point I felt pretty dragged. I asked him for more of an explanation. He eventually told me that he had met someone else he was interested in. He said he wanted to be friends and was sorry that I was upset and thought we had agreed to be friends and didn’t want me to feel upset.
I don’t ever stay friends with any of exes. Ever. Ex anything. Ex boyfriend, ex dude I use to talk to. If it’s done let it be done.
However, for some reason, I agreed to try to remain friends. I did have a good time together. I also tried to focus on all the reasons why us being together would have never really worked out anyway.
Anyway, a week of this goes bye and he tells me the girl he was into broke it off with him. I said “okay.” Because what am I supposed to do with this information. At this point in time I hated his guts.
Summer goes bye, I intentionally barely talk to him. I go back to Michigan for the summer for another internship. The summer passes. I go back to school for the year and I meet this other guy. I have a lot of fun with him, he’s a nice dude and smart, it never went beyond kissing. I broke it off with him because our personalities just do not match in my opinion. We don’t really good along on more than a surface level so I end it there- this is around end of October 2020.
The same week the original guy messages me again and is nonetheless drunk and asks me if I remember the day that he came over in October, which is now a year ago. He asks me “before I started eating you out, when we were just playing guess who, were you having a good time? It’s okay if you don’t remember it. You don’t have to pretend” I said “yes. I had a really good time.” And he said “me too” And we now talk all the time again.
———— I am at a point where I don’t know what to do. I have had more fun with this guy than any other guy I have ever met and I think he feels the same way vice versus. I also feel at the same time that this has been exhausted. And I am stuck between two polar ends of I have had more fun with this person than anyone else and that we have also given each other the run around 5 times over. We have an incredible horrible lack of communication. When we do communicate, it’s horrible, and not direct. Neither of us put our entire selves out on the line ever. It’s always one foot out the door on both ends.
We have spoke every single day for 2.5 years. It is at the point where it either needs to happen or needs to be finished.
In all other instances, with men I have dated, or interacted with, once it is done, it is done forever. If we break up or stop talking it is gone. I have always chosen to never stay friends with my exes. I feel kind of burned by him sometimes because I look back and think what do you mean you like somebody else now? Are you kidding me? Other times, I look back on the conversation we had and realize that very well also sounds like a “we gave it a good try🤷🏼‍♀️” conversation.
Anyway, as I mentioned, we began talking more again. I am not sure what to do. I have never felt more compatible with anyone in my life but also feel that this is just beating a dead horse.
My friends and I are going down to Daytona to go to the beach in December. I am debating whether I ask him to come with us or not. I feel kind of embarrassed by the whole concept. I’m just not sure what to do. One way or the other I want to lay this to rest and move on, with him or without.
I like like him and want it to work. But if it isn’t reciprocated I need find other things to invest my energy in.
submitted by Yankeedoodle7 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 06:07 Yankeedoodle7 Going in circles with the same guy

I (21f) have recently begun talking again to a (22m) past love interest/date/people who use to like each other. We went to high school together. Never really spoke much. In college we kind of reconnected, back when I was 18 and he was 19. I should say my first year in college, he went to trade school to become an electrician. We are from Georgia, he stayed in our hometown. However, I go to college in Michigan. We spoke off and on my freshman year of college via text/social media, nothing serious ever really happened with it as I was busy with my life in Michigan and him with his back home in Georgia. Over that summer, 2019, I took and internship in Michigan for the summer. I was honestly pretty lonely as all my college friends went back home for the summer and I was up in Michigan working my first professional/office job. I began talking to him more during this time. We got to know each other a little better and he asked if I wanted to hang out when I came home in October for fall break. I said yes and we agreed to go to the beach.
Honestly, I was very unsure with what he wanted. I didn’t know if he was coming over hoping for us to casually hook up or coming over because he liked me and wanted something more serious. He never asked for nudes or anything like that- it was very much entirely us talking to each other with no focus on the sexual aspect. I do not do casual hook ups. I would like to, but I can’t, I get way too attached way too easy and it destroys me emotionally. I just can’t handle it. I really don’t have a problem with kissing or getting fingered by someone I am interest in but that’s it. That’s as far as it goes. At that point I need to put it to a stop and kind of figure out where I stand with a dude. Anyway, that being said, at this pint I have also not had sex in two years/since I was with my last boyfriend. Like I said, I cannot do casual, it leads me into an emotional train wreck, so my choice is to just not have sex.
Anyway- we live about 45 minutes away from each other so the plan was for him to pick me up and then go over to the beach- about a 5 minutes drive from my house. He rings my door bell, I answer the door, give him a hug, and let him come him in because I still have to grab my towel and sunblock. He comes inside, and to my surprise, says “when do I get to meet your parents?” Which was an incredibly shocking statement to me. Anyway, I told him my mom was at work, because she was, and my dad was in his office on a conference call, because he was.
Anyway, we get in his truck and go to the beach. We have a fun time. We like a lot of the same things. We both are more the type to go in the water and goof off as opposed to sit on the shore. So we dug a hole and buried me in it and then dug more holes and I think we both had a really really good time.
We then left and went to Chick fil A because it was about dinner time and took it back to my house and ate it at the table and watched hydraulic pressure videos on YouTube which was also a lot of fun. My dad came out of his office and said Hello and he met him. Then he asked if he could take a shower and I said of course. So he took a shower and while he was in the shower I vacuumed the sand out of his car because I think it’s a polite thing to do. We then lit a bunch of candles and poured the wax together and put it in the microwave for a very long time. Which is also, probably really strange, but we both had a lot of fun doing it.
My mom then got home from work, and was a little surprised because I didn’t tell her I was having a boy over. It wasn’t a secret, my dad knew, I just assumed he would probably be gone by the time she left so there wasn’t really a point in bringing it up beforehand. Anyway, we all talked for like an hour and had pretty good conversation and it wasn’t awkward. My mom then left the room and he said Can I come back tomorrow? Again, I was a little shocked because typically people don’t ask for a second “hang out” while still in the first one. However, I very much wanted him to come back too so I said yes. But before he left for the day we decided to go to Publix (grocery store) to get a pumpkin because we were gonna carve it the next day when he came back. I said I will drive, because I know where the closest publix is, and so we got in my car. When we get in the car he looks me in the eyes and says “I really wanted to eat you out today.” And I just laughed and started driving.
Like ??? now I’m back to not knowing what this is. Is this a date or hook up? Like I get that I go to school 1,000 miles away so there has to be some facilitation of a relationship virtually but there has also been no mention of anything sex related up until this point. So what is going on that on the first date you’re going to look me eyes and say you want to eat me out?
Anyway, we get to Publix, pick a pumpkin, and go home. We leave the pumpkin at my house. We hug goodbye. And he leaves.
The next morning he texts me and tells me he forgot he had to work today would it be okay if he came the next day (a Friday). I said yes. It’s not a problem at all- totally normal thing to happen.
I assumed again that my parents would be there, and liked that because it kind of prevents things from going to a place of too sexual too soon, for my personal taste. However, on Thursday my Mom texts me that she will not be coming home Friday, she’s leaving for a business trip. My brother, I just have one sibling, is going to be out of town for a baseball tournament, and he’s leaving Thursday morning. My dad says he’s going to watch the tournament, and he’s leaving Thursday night. So now, I am going to be alone at the house on Friday. I wasn’t going to cancel, because I need be able to handle the situation myself.
Friday comes, he comes over at like 2. We carve the pumpkin. Well mainly he does because it’s hard for two people to carve a singular pumpkin. Anyway, after the pumpkin we go inside and decide to play a game and we end playing Guess Who. We play for a little while and he asks if I want to drink. I said okay, because I do enjoy drinking. He asked if it was okay if sleepover if we drink. I said yes because obviously I am not going to encourage drunk driving. So, we go to the store and get two four lokos, per my request.
On our drive to the store we talked about normal things. He asked me why my last boyfriend and I broke up. Which is fine, I don’t mind the question at all. He also said to me “I can’t tell if you like me or not”. I had no idea what he meant by that. Like in general? Or like like? So I said well if I didn’t I wouldn’t have let you come over. Which in hindsight was a pretty stupid answer and I should have just said yes. But. What’s done is done.
We come home, order a pizza, are drinking and continue to play Guess Who. We then get tired of that and move to watching TV. He starts playing with my hair and then asks if can kiss me. I said yes and we start making out. He then takes my shirt off and his off. Then my pants and starts fingering me and then eating me out. I became a little uncomfortable, because I think he wanted it to go further than this and this was the maximum amount I was comfortable we with for now but I think he got the message and stopped. We both enjoy a pretty rough time sexually which is also very excellent. I don’t want someone who will be rough for me because I like it but because we both like it, and this checks that box. However, I am again unsure whether he’s here for a hookup or because he likes me. Anyway, he carries me to my room and puts me in my bed and says to me he can sleep on the couch if I want him to. I said no he can sleep in my bed. So he slept in my bed and there was no cuddling or anything. For me, I did not want to initiate any cuddling because I don’t want to give some sort of mixed signal that I want things to go further. I can’t speak for him, but I assume he didn’t initiate anything because he didn’t want to make it seem like he was trying to push things further after I had indicated that I wanted to stop.
We wake up in the morning and he asks if I want to go in my pool. I said yes and get up to get dressed and put on my bathing suit. We go in my kitchen and stand around and he then asks if I want to “finish what we started last night.” I did not say anything and just stood there like a fence post. Honestly I was thinking it was finished. He comes over. Picks me up and takes me to my room. We make out again, takes my top off, he takes his off shirt off, takes my pants off. Starts fingering me and eating me out. I am just laying there thinking oh god I can’t believe I’m gonna have to just tell him to stop again.
Like I feel bad because this is somebody I am interested in. However, I have no idea what the situation is? Does he like me or is this a hook up? I need time to think about my emotions and how I’m feeling. I also have an IUD, if you get an STD with an IUD you can get infections that cause all your eggs to go sterile. So it’s important to me that my partner and I have an STD test done before we have sex.
Anyway, he’s eating me out and looks up and says did you cum. And I said no. Because I didn’t. And like, I don’t care at all. I still had a good time with someone I like. I also find it incredibly hard to orgasm the very first time with a new person. I think a lot of it, for girls at least, is being in the right headspace and being very comfortable with your partner. I would honestly prefer to not orgasm the first time because it’s just too much emotions for someone I’m not that familiar with yet.
Anyway, I think he was a bit bummed out that I’d didn’t orgasm. He got back in top of me and said “do you want to have sex?” And I said “No.” and he said “That’s what I thought, do you want to suck my dick?” And I said “No.” and he said “That’s what I thought.” After that we put our clothes back on and went back into the kitchen and sat in there for about 5 minutes and then he said he was going to leave because he had work later. So I told him goodbye at the door and gave him a hug.
That was a pretty hurtful sequence of events for me. I do not think he knows that but it was. I a lot of times lead myself down a path of thought of “if you liked someone why would you say that to them?” I think he must not realize how hurtful that was for me? I don’t know. But that was pretty hurtful to me.
We continued to talk per usual. I went back to school 2 days later because break was over. I thought a lot about what had happened. It is hard for me to have sex so easily with a new person. However, I also think sex is a really big part of what makes a relationship work. So I decided that I kind of needed to be willing to make some progress on that. Especially since I spend most of my time in Michigan, it can be hard to make that work. I agreed to send him some nudes and it wasn’t anything expansive. Just 1 or 2 here and there. It was something I was comfortable with doing and something that he liked so I thought it was some good common ground to work with. I came home in December and decided it was probably my turn to ask him to hang out so I asked and he said “I am busy.” I was disappointed, but decided it is very fair for people to be busy. So a week later I asked if he wanted to hang out soon and he said “I’m busy.” Neither time was it a I’m busy what about next week? Just I’m busy. So, to me, that’s a pretty clear message. If you ask someone to hang out twice and both times they give an empty I’m busy with not attempt to reschedule, they don’t want to hang out. I was upset. I was angry with him. I felt kind of played. I continued to still speak to him but much less and kept him at bay and eventually go back to school in early January.
In early February (2020), he messages me and asks me, kind of out of the blue if back in October when he came over if I had feelings for him. I said I did but didn’t really feel they were reciprocated, as I then asked him multiple times after that if he wanted to hang out and he declined both times. He said that makes sense and asked why when he ate me out I didn’t reciprocate that to him. I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing that because I felt like I didn’t know him enough for that yet. He said okay. I then asked him what’s wrong (as he seemed sad) and he told me he feels like he will never have a girlfriend that likes him as much as he likes her. I had no idea what to do with that information as I do not ever think that I was formally his girlfriend so I was like I’m sorry to hear that. Anyway, I took from this conversation that things were going to get better. I thought this was an acknowledgement of what we need to do to fix this. We started talking more again, and the general this and that. Things got a little more in depth. I asked him to send me dick pics and I continue to send him nudes. It got a little more in depth talking wise as well as he told me we could make this work. I started to get excited to come home and see him.
I came home in March for spring break and he didn’t ask me to hang out so I said I thought we were going to hang out. He said I can Friday and I said I can’t I’ll be out of town and then I go back to Michigan but I think school is going to get shutdown because of COVID so I think I will be here longer. He said okay sounds good. Nothing really happens. I again feel upset because I thought this had been fixed and things were going to get better. In late March I decided to tell him this. I told him I was unhappy and thought things were going to get better. He told me that he thought we agreed to be friends. So, essentially, the conversation we had in february we both took two extremely different ways. Anyway, I was a little irritated because at this point I felt pretty dragged. I asked him for more of an explanation. He eventually told me that he had met someone else he was interested in. He said he wanted to be friends and was sorry that I was upset and thought we had agreed to be friends and didn’t want me to feel upset.
I don’t ever stay friends with any of exes. Ever. Ex anything. Ex boyfriend, ex dude I use to talk to. If it’s done let it be done.
However, for some reason, I agreed to try to remain friends. I did have a good time together. I also tried to focus on all the reasons why us being together would have never really worked out anyway.
Anyway, a week of this goes bye and he tells me the girl he was into broke it off with him. I said “okay.” Because what am I supposed to do with this information. At this point in time I hated his guts.
Summer goes bye, I intentionally barely talk to him. I go back to Michigan for the summer for another internship. The summer passes. I go back to school for the year and I meet this other guy. I have a lot of fun with him, he’s a nice dude and smart, it never went beyond kissing. I broke it off with him because our personalities just do not match in my opinion. We don’t really good along on more than a surface level so I end it there- this is around end of October 2020.
The same week the original guy messages me again and is nonetheless drunk and asks me if I remember the day that he came over in October, which is now a year ago. He asks me “before I started eating you out, when we were just playing guess who, were you having a good time? It’s okay if you don’t remember it. You don’t have to pretend” I said “yes. I had a really good time.” And he said “me too” And we now talk all the time again.
———— I am at a point where I don’t know what to do. I have had more fun with this guy than any other guy I have ever met and I think he feels the same way vice versus. I also feel at the same time that this has been exhausted. And I am stuck between two polar ends of I have had more fun with this person than anyone else and that we have also given each other the run around 5 times over. We have an incredible horrible lack of communication. When we do communicate, it’s horrible, and not direct. Neither of us put our entire selves out on the line ever. It’s always one foot out the door on both ends.
We have spoke every single day for 2.5 years. It is at the point where it either needs to happen or needs to be finished.
In all other instances, with men I have dated, or interacted with, once it is done, it is done forever. If we break up or stop talking it is gone. I have always chosen to never stay friends with my exes. I feel kind of burned by him sometimes because I look back and think what do you mean you like somebody else now? Are you kidding me? Other times, I look back on the conversation we had and realize that very well also sounds like a “we gave it a good try🤷🏼‍♀️” conversation.
Anyway, as I mentioned, we began talking more again. I am not sure what to do. I have never felt more compatible with anyone in my life but also feel that this is just beating a dead horse.
My friends and I are going down to Daytona to go to the beach in December. I am debating whether I ask him to come with us or not. I feel kind of embarrassed by the whole concept. I’m just not sure what to do. One way or the other I want to lay this to rest and move on, with him or without.
I like like him and want it to work. But if it isn’t reciprocated I need find other things to invest my energy in.
submitted by Yankeedoodle7 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 04:01 Aromatic-Hippo3031 Falsely accused of sexual harassment at job. Is this defamation?

Let me explain my situation.
I met this girl at work, we were being friendly and such and then I gave her my Snapchat (outside of the workplace). We started texting and she became very suggestive and sexual, I was reciprocating because I felt the vibe. We sent each other nudes. She was talking about how she wanted to fuck at work and crap. I was playing along. At work I ended up not making any sort of move on her because I pussied out (thank God I didn’t). She then proceeded to block me on Snap. I got the message and just didn’t talk to her at work the next day. She then approached me and started to be all flirty and all over me. I thought her blocking me on Snapchat was a mind game and I proceeded to ask her to get coffee. She rejected me. I didn’t really react to it, I acted chill and kept on working. I didn’t talk to her again that day. This was a week ago. My manager comes and tells me there is an investigation of “inappropriate behavior”. I was asked questions by an HR person that there was an accusation of inappropriate behavior, and that I should be completely honest. I was a fool to say too much, I talked about how we were texting (mutually and consensually) nudes. I should’ve just said I asked her for a date and she got uncomfortable (I was so nervous I did not say this part). People at work think I am a fucking weirdo. I do not know what part of the story the coworker told HR (the date question or the Snapchat sexting). I don’t know what to do. It seems I accepted responsibility of something I did not do. What do I do???
submitted by Aromatic-Hippo3031 to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 03:25 NameOfSprent 27 [M4F] Los Angeles/Anywhere - If laughter is the best medicine, I’m the guy with quaaludes at Outback Steakhouse

Uhh, my name is Greg. I would be your perfect date because I can take care of you intellectually AND physically, and I know all about the fax machines and the equipment in your office if it breaks. I am very experienced in lovemaking - I borrow heavily from the Latin culture. I’m an average size man, the one issue is I have very small petite feet. And uh, ya know sometimes people check to see if it’s a man or a woman walking into the room by the sound of the steps. I’ve been told I have a very feminine step lol hehehehe woaah, ohhhh, I don’t believe I said that! It is very hard for me to find shoes.
( X / 10 points)
“Only in America could you find a way, to earn a healthy buck, and still keep your attitude on self destruct”
( X / 5 points)
The Far Side, Pharcyde, and Farce Ides: How modern day segregation pushes humanity away from evolution
( X / 5 points)
Tekken 3, Soul Calibur / Sega Genesis it fuels my fire, bruh / Streets of Rage, Sonic & Knuckles / Spider man, I’m talking Crash Bandicoot / Tomb Raider, Metal Gear Solid / PlayStation 3, with the mod chip, PlayStation 2 all black its killer / Gameboy Color, Pokemon Arena / I love it, video games my ni**a
( X / 10 points)
42069
( X / 5 points)
A full album >>>>>>>> singles
( X / 5 points)
Cats are objectively greater than dogs. Tigers vs wolves? Easy peezy. Jaguars vs coyotes? FREE. Cheetahs vs foxes? No contest. And obviously, 1 billion lions DESTROY 1 of every pokemon.
(Dogs are still cool too, as well as the diversity and intricacies of animal life just being dope in general)
( X / 10 points)
If the penalty for a crime is a fine, then that law only exists for the lower class. “If you find a job you love, you never work a day in your life” - There is no perfect job for me! You romanticize a career to feel better about giving your best years to wage slavery. Do not indoctrinate me into your cult of complacency old man!
(X / 10 points)
Images of cats > Teenage Stepdad, Everything is Terrible, etc > Memes without text > “relatable” memes > reusable meme templates
(X / 5 points)
Imagine like the worst day you’ve ever had. I would live that day for eternity instead of being dead for one second. Death is terrible and it’s pain and it’s meaningless. There’s nothing after, that’s the horrible thing. There’s nothing it’s just more you. You’re just trapped inside your own body and there’s nothing there. Okay bye bye. Also Sarah Squirm
( X / 10 points)
Riddles, Lateral Thinking Puzzles, and Thought Experiments: How to achieve orgasm without fiddling with your dangus
(X / 5 points)
Option Selects, okizeme, edgeguarding, cross ups, ledgetrapping, combo routes, frame traps, reactions vs reads, mixups, 50/50s, juggling, tech chasing, SHFFL, matchup experience, DI/SDI, GG’s
(X / 15 points)
And, as always, thanks for watching
( X / 5 points)
REQUIREMENTS:
Please no anti vaxx/COVID hoax/ flat earth/ astrology & tarot / heavily religious or anything else touching on pseudoscience or Soros/Qanon levels of conspiracy. Definitely open to various viewpoints and ideologies, as well as understanding of people who might enjoy some of this for fun or in a way that’s lighthearted, but if you genuinely believe anything mentioned here we probably just won’t match well.
You do not have to smoke at all (although preferred if we could vibe together) but if you’re somehow staunchly anti weed, this ain’t the one for you.
If you are 100% set on having biological kids someday, and wouldn’t even think about fostering or adoption to give kids that already exist a loving home and family, then we fundamentally disagree on life. If you have kids already it’s no biggie to me, all I wanna do is eat Oreo cheesecake and play video games anyway so me & kids get along pretty well.
LOOSE CRITERIA:
Have no hang ups on basics like race/body type/age, most important thing for me is if we can laugh and enjoy ourselves together. That said, generally prefer someone older than myself (somewhat significantly) or at the least 21+. And I’m slender myself, but big bodies are absolutely beautiful 👍🏾
Preferably at least a couple of the 10 pointers here you REALLY connect with. Anyone can say hi, but if you’re really clueless on everything I posted above, the novelty will wear off and/or I will get bored 🤷🏾‍♂️
If you are a creative/artist/musician/comedian or anything along those lines, give yourself an extra 10 points and a pat on the back. This originally said “pat on the boobs” but then I thought it’s not that funny, then I thought it’s REALLY funny, then I realized a pat on the boobs is probably more aligned with preparation for a mammogram as opposed to a congratulatory physical affirmation.
SUMMATION:
I’m just some guy here, a Jim Jangus if you will, a Quarez Handlewood perhaps, a Jarvis Jinto AND a Dinko Davis, and I miss having companionship. I’d say on a scale where 0 is anonymous sex and 100 is a committed lifelong relationship, I’m seeking something between a 40 and 60, and just open to taking things as they come. That said, I’ll always be upfront and value communication & honesty immensely, so just hope for the same from you. Maybe we can just keep each other company, share some laughs and gaming together for a bit. Maybe that bit can end up being a lot longer.
Feel free to share a pic (especially if you plan on asking me for one) but I’m in no rush for either, and greatly care more about your score out of the 100 points above.
And if it isn’t clear by now, I will almost always prefer to send you long blocks of text that ultimately say nothing, than quick lines that say nothing, but in a faster, less self masturbatory format.
Local to LA/SoCal would be super nice to legit be able to meet (following COVID safety protocols)
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Why did Batman name himself Batman? I mean I get it, he was afraid of bats and wanted to beat his own fear or whatever, but like, EVERYTHING he does is bats. He’s got batarangs, the batmobile, the bat cave...sounds a lot less like someone afraid of bats, and more like someone who engages in nude horseplay in the parking lot of Arby’s at 2AM. Also, who is Arby? Is Arby a name? Are you sure someone wasn’t trying to say “Kirby” and just had food going down the wrong pipe at the moment. That’s also a fear I have deeply that there’s just food sitting next to my lungs because I done swallowed through the wrong pipe too much. Is it possible to have food inside your body that’s not directly in your digestive tract? Like just sitting around? If you are a doctor please be my friend :)
submitted by NameOfSprent to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 02:39 Yves_blu3 I think my boyfriend is cheating on me.

I know this topic probably comes up a lot but it would make me feel better if I could vent and at least get opinions on what to do next.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. One thing he does that I don't like is that he constantly shows up late. He could say he's coming over at 2pm and won't actually show up until 11.
I got over it but even on his birthday I told him I had dinner, gifts, and a custom cake for him. He says he'll show up around 3 but still doesn't get back to me. I just had a feeling in my gut to check Grindr. I got on the app and found him in the area he lives saying he's active. His bio said "short-term amusements are less of a hassle" and then a video game reference. It said he was just looking for friends but his second pic was a blurred out photo of his d***.
When he came over I asked him first if there was anything he wanted to discuss, where he sees the relationship going etc. All positive answers so I just told him I found out he had an account. He apologized and said he was just trying to make friends. He had it for a few weeks. He claims he doesn't really hang out with anyone or has anyone he could confide in. The nude photo was just to get it out of the way because that's what most people want to see first. He doesn't think it's cheating to send nudes and he would be okay with it if I was sending pictures to other people but hooking up is crossing the line. He still wants to be exclusive and be in this relationship.
I didn't understand this considering we're in a relationship so he has me but he doesn't want to come to me for everything. I told him he had to tell me if he was hooking up with anyone because we're in a pandemic and we don't use protection so it's dangerous. He apologized and said he was going to delete it and swore he didn't even meet anyone. If I wanted to see it I could but it was on his Ipad....how convenient. I told him to leave that night and he did.
We're still together but I think it's only because I keep telling myself he wasn't lying. However, he talks about hanging out with so and so, or that he got a new netflix account thanks to this other friend. I find this confusing because one minute he didn't have friends and now he does.
I still have trust issues over this and my other gay friend said he has used that excuse before when he had a Grindr account while in a relationship. I basically broke down crying when my friend told me that. I felt that if he didn't want to be with me he would say something. Now when we hang out it's great. His attention is all on me and he rarely if at all is on his phone and he gets me gifts.
What would you do? Among other things I can't really bring this up with him again because he gets defensive even when I tell him I don't like it when he shows up late or says he wants to come over but just doesn't. Do I just move on and trust him?
submitted by Yves_blu3 to askgaybros [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 01:08 greenandgreener 31 [F4M] Anywhere - Looking for a lifelong, old fashioned relationship

My Reddit inbox collects all sorts of messages. Some of them are really short. Like, “.”, “hi”, “PM me.”, Rate my dick.”, “How are you?”, “What are you wearing now?”, “How do you spend your time during lockdowns?”, “I know it’s just a short introduction. If you reply, I will write more.”, “I will pay you a weekly allowance if you talk to me. My ex left me.” Some of them, on the other hand, are pretty long. I will never forget the person who began his message with “it’s tough to reply to long posts, it makes it inappropriate to be brief”.
There’s a batch of messages that specifically related to virginity:
“You virgin?”
“Let’s get this out of the way first: Are you a virgin?”
“I have had sex, but I’m looking for a virgin. Are you a virgin?”
“Just stumbled across your post, wanna wish you luck in your search. But I’m only interested in virgins, and it seems like you are not.”
“Sorry I’m not interested in someone who has no experience in sex. I just saw your post on Reddit, good luck.”
“I’m a virgin. Call me a loser, call me a weirdo, call me an incel, call me anything you want. I don’t care.”
“It would be a lie to say that I don’t want to be with a fellow virgin. But if you are not, I would get over it.”
Virgins are virgins. Being a virgin doesn’t automatically make a person a lose weirdo/ incel. But people judge virgins harshly. People judge things and people that they are in no place to judge. We live in a world where some virgins feel the need to lie to other people. “What? No. I have slept with a bunch of girls.” As if it’s a competition, or a game. The higher the number is, the more masculine you are. I’m okay with virgins wanting to date only virgins. I’m not okay with non virgins wanting to date only virgins. It’s only fair if you have lived up to what you are offering. Virginity means nothing to some people, everything to some other people. I only care that people who want a casual hookup, get that. It’s not a crime. Unless you hook up with an underaged girl. And those who want to remain a virgin, get the peace to remain a virgin until they are ready. It’s just a personal choice. Do whatever you feel like. I watched a documentary last week. It was about birds. Some birds chose to mate with only one partner. Even after the death of their original mate. I admired their attitude.
What I’m looking for
Short version (there is a long version, with explanation, follows) -
A single, monogamous, adult man who is looking for a lifelong relationship, has time to be in a committed relationship, will become my best friend, is in shape/ not too out of shape, is reasonably healthy, is mentally healthy and stable/ mentally unhealthy and unstable but has been monitoring the progress, mentally available, is a meat eater, is a non smoke rarely smoke, is a non drinke social drinker, is a non drug addict (weed is fine), is a non gambling addict, is a non porn addict, is a virgin/ non virgin but was always responsible to their exes (always wore condoms and never had STDs), is okay with no cohabitation, is okay with no premarital sex, is not into anything kinky, wants kids (biological kids/ adopted kids), is okay with your spouse not taking birth control pills, is okay with your spouse not wearing an IUD, is debt free/ with justifiable debt, is religious/ non religious, is eligible to apply for a passport (and meet each other)
If you do not agree with everything I said above then we are not compatible. “I agreed with most of the things you said.” What does that even mean? I have had enough messages telling me that they do not entirely agree with what I said but would like to see where things go. The answer is nowhere. I do not have time nor do I want to build a castle on sand. I also have had enough messages telling me to reconsider things. I won't.
What I like -
Sun
Snow
Trees
Woodworking
Agriculture
Plants
Good food
Hot food
Hot soup
Warm words
Laughing
Wool yarn
Wool clothing
Names with stories, say like, street names
Dining wares
Trains
Photography
Old stories - old movies and shows
Good stories - movies, shows and documentaries, books, music with good lyrics
Good arts
Thrift stores
Flea markets
What I am looking for - Long version -
A strictly monogamous relationship that is happy, healthy, supportive, and lasts forever. I am not looking for dick pictures, chat buddies, dirty chat buddies, hookups, love affairs, friends, friends with benefits, sugar daddies, sugar uncles, sugar sons, rebound dating, short-term dating, several years dating, polyamorous, open, or online-only relationships.
Communication - I would make time to talk to my SO every day, and very much prefer so, even just to hear that they are safe and sound. But I would be understanding if they are out in Antarctica and the satellite Internet at the work station does not always work properly, or something like that. I would like to deal with all the hardships in life together as a team. Having arguments in a relationship is somewhat unavoidable. I like straightening things out, right away, in a logical, non violent, and non abusive way. I apologize when I make mistakes. Giving silent treatment is really not my thing. I am not saying that I do not have a temper. I do. I do get angry, but within reason. Keeping promises and being punctual are important to me.
Mental health - The amount of toxicity I could take is arguably higher than average, but please alert me if you are struggling mentally. On a side note, I hope you do not like watching porn. It is a poor choice, and is both physically and psychologically damaging. I am not asking everyone of you to agree with me on this, or any other things I say in this post. Whatever floats your boat, strangers; just let me have the freedom to find whatever I am looking for.
Distance - I am not looking for an online marriage. You could join me here. Or I could go there. A solid plan with solid dates would be needed. Future faking is a fucked up thing to do to another person. If you need nude pictures, phone sex or Skype sex to make a long distance relationship works, I am not the person you are looking for.
Meeting for the first time - I have given this a lot of thoughts, still I do not really know when and where would be good to meet up. We could meet either before we go into a relationship or after. It would probably be fairer for us to fly to a foreign place to meet, it means we would have to trust each other enough to do that. In that case it would make more sense to meet after the relationship has already been established. I think it is doable to fall for someone just by talking. Though I am aware that people are often not who they claimed they are. Those who say they are loyal could be experienced cheaters. But we will see. When in doubt, I ask questions.
Marriage - I have never been married but I would like to get married. The last thing I want is a divorce. The word marriage has sort of become a dirty word now but I am old fashioned. I like relationship labels, and I hope you are the same. A side note, I'm not into having a big wedding. Or a diamond ring. Or to dress fancy for a pre-wedding shoot. The National Gallery of Art has three self portraits of a Hungarian photographer and his wife. I would like to have a wedding like theirs. Which means I would just like to hang out with my SO somewhere, take some pictures ourselves, and call it a wedding. If you never had a proper family, fear not, we would have one on our own. However, having a toxic childhood should not be an excuse for exhibiting toxic behaviors. I would never set myself on fire to keep you warm. It would not help.
Sex - It would be too intimidating if you have had unsafe sex, a lot of sex, or many sexual partners in the past. Premarital sex is off the table. People make fun of those who have never had sex, which I do not get; I do not care and even would very much prefer that, because I would not have to grieve over your past. But, then again, grieving is a part of life. It is alright if you are not a virgin, just do not lie to me about your sexual past. I do not really have a sex drive. Mentally speaking, I would be okay if you never wanted to have sex, I would also be okay if you wanted to have a lot of sex. Because I do not specifically crave for sex; I crave for love. In other word, I count all types of affection as a whole, and sex does not specifically stand out from all the rest. Physically speaking, I would not be compatible with those who have a high sex drive, as I think overindulgence in sex is destructive. Also, I would not be compatible with those who are into kinky sex/ filming sex tapes. There is nothing wrong with those, they are just not my thing. I think having boundaries in bed does not mean I do not love them, or love them less than those who have no boundaries. I would never take birth control pills/ wear an IUD, because they have many side effects that I do not want to deal with. Respect my choices.
Kids - I do not have kids. But I would like to raise kids. Ask yourself, honestly, if you are mature enough, and ready to be a father. "But I am not ready, just yet; there are things I want to achieve before I become a father." Find someone younger, then. I would like to add that I have no reason to doubt my fertility as I take reasonably good care of myself. I have no, and never had any, chronic diseases or illnesses. Am at a healthy weight, somewhat slim even. 5 feet 7 inches tall. In the event that I was infertile, surrogacy would not be an option. It goes against my morals. So, again, think twice. I would like to raise adopted kids, and treat them like they are my biological kids. I would not dump my husband if, he was found to be infertile at any point of the marriage. Technically I would be fine if you do not want to raise kids at all, but providing a home for some orphans is something I could do, and I do not want to pass that on.
Living together - I have always, and still am against the idea of living together before marriage. There is nothing wrong with cohabitation, it is just again not my thing. I would gladly introduce my roommate when I was in school to you if you are worried that I have some weird quirks. I might or might not bribe her before I introduce her to you.
Money - I am not rich, and was not born rich, but I have no debts. Never had debts. I am aware that some debts are justifiable, like student loan. I worked in the academia. I just started doing something new, related to my field of study, and that makes me happy. Whether you are a postdoc, or a high school drop out, makes no difference to me. For those who think that throwing me a sentence like “I am a lawyer” would be enough to make me talk, have some self respect. I am fine with my Reddit inbox collects only dust.
Religion - I suppose I have always been mostly an agnostic. My parents sent me to a Christian middle school, then a Christian high school. It would be great if you are a God believer and do not mind me being a non religious person. We could read Bible together. It would also be great if you are a non religious person but follow traditional values.
Smoking, drinking and doing drugs - I do not smoke cigarettes. Or vape. Or whatever. I do not do soft/ hard drugs. Have no past addictions. I do not take over-the-counter drugs even. I do not drink alcohol. If you drink responsibly, then I do not have a problem with that.
Dietary choices - I am an omnivore. Have no food allergies. Please be a meat eater. I do not want to get into an argument with you over a tuna egg sandwich I make for our kids. I would not raise my kids vegan. They should be able to make their own choices when they are old enough. I like cooking quite a bit. Would learn to cook all your favorite dishes.
Pets - I do not have any pets.
Gaming - I do not gamble. I have never played any video or computer games. Game soundtracks though I do often pay attention to.
Tattoos - Sure, why not?
Earrings - Why not? I would buy you earrings.
Long hair - Why not? I would braid your hair when you are asleep, though.
Politics - I am against communism, and totalitarianism. Trump 2020. Please read my reddit history. I pretty much stopped using this account altogether, except posting on Foreveralonedating, because this account has 33 male followers, and that is creepy, and makes me feel very uncomfortable. But my reddit history should give you a hint on what kind of a person I am. (Update: 68 followers now, which shows you how disgusting and creepy some, if not most, men on this site are.)
P.S. This is Reddit, a wonderful yet utterly dangerous place, strangers. Especially for women. So many people prey on the weak. Even scammers would tell you that “you are everything I have been looking for since forever”. Canned messages are easy to spot, because I am smarter than you imagined. There were people who messaged me from throwaway accounts, which I noticed later filled with porn posts. Accounts with no post history are fishy. Anyhow at some point let's do a photo verification. Maybe we could take a selfie while holding a piece of paper with something like "Today's February 33 1920" written on it. Thank you all for sending me a selfie right off the bat. But I do not trust you enough to click on it. Also please do not ask me to talk to you over the phone/ do a video chat with you right off the bat. If you absolutely do not know what to write, check out "pinned post II", there's a list of 30 questions. I talk to one person, if even there was one, at a time.
TL;DR - I am a non religious person who holds traditional values and beliefs, which for obvious reasons give me a hard time these days. If you see this post, message me, no matter when.
submitted by greenandgreener to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.11.30 23:33 greenandgreener 31 [F4M] Anywhere - Looking for a lifelong, old fashioned relationship

Where would be a good place to live? China has infiltrated almost all Australian industries. A big part of the US is heavily controlled by the CCP. The UK’s Operation Moonshot screams stupidity. Slovakia tested almost everyone. Austria, and Czech are going to do what Slovakia did. Denmark wanted to create a roadmap for mandatory vaccination. It was called off only because Danes protested for days. Under severe pressures, Sweden had recently backed down and started toughen up restrictions. Japan is still dumping contaminated nuclear water into the ocean. Many other Asian countries don’t even allow freedom of speech. Germany fired water cannons at protesters. We are marching toward an uncharted territory. And it’s very difficult to navigate the big, dark, crazy world by yourself.
What I am looking for -
Short version (there is a long version, with explanation, follows) -
A single, monogamous, adult man who is looking for a lifelong relationship, has time to be in a committed relationship, will become my best friend, is in shape/ not too out of shape, is reasonably healthy, is mentally healthy and stable/ mentally unhealthy and unstable but has been monitoring the progress, mentally available, is a meat eater, is a non smoke rarely smoke, is a non drinke social drinker, is a non drug addict (weed is fine), is a non gambling addict, is a non porn addict, is a virgin/ non virgin but was always responsible to their exes (always wore condoms and never had STDs), is okay with no cohabitation, is okay with no premarital sex, is not into anything kinky, wants kids (biological kids/ adopted kids), is okay with your spouse not taking birth control pills, is okay with your spouse not wearing an IUD, is debt free/ with justifiable debt, is religious/ non religious, is eligible to apply for a passport (and meet each other)
If you do not agree with everything I said above then we are not compatible. “I agreed with most of the things you said.” What does that even mean? I have had enough messages telling me that they do not entirely agree with what I said but would like to see where things go. The answer is nowhere. I do not have time nor do I want to build a castle on sand. I also have had enough messages telling me to reconsider things. I won't.
What I like -
Sun
Snow
Trees
Woodworking
Agriculture
Plants
Good food
Hot food
Hot soup
Warm words
Laughing
Wool yarn
Wool clothing
Names with stories, say like, street names
Dining wares
Trains
Photography
Old stories - old movies and shows
Good stories - movies, shows and documentaries, books, music with good lyrics
Good arts
Thrift stores
Flea markets
What I am looking for - Long version -
A strictly monogamous relationship that is happy, healthy, supportive, and lasts forever. I am not looking for dick pictures, chat buddies, dirty chat buddies, hookups, love affairs, friends, friends with benefits, rebound dating, short-term dating, several years dating, polyamorous, open, or online-only relationships.
Communication - I would make time to talk to my SO every day, and very much prefer so, even just to hear that they are safe and sound. But I would be understanding if they are out in Antarctica and the satellite Internet at the work station does not always work properly, or something like that. I would like to deal with all the hardships in life together as a team. Having arguments in a relationship is somewhat unavoidable. I like straightening things out, right away, in a logical, non violent, and non abusive way. I apologize when I make mistakes. Giving silent treatment is really not my thing. I am not saying that I do not have a temper. I do. I do get angry, but within reason. Keeping promises and being punctual are important to me.
Mental health - The amount of toxicity I could take is arguably higher than average, but please alert me if you are struggling mentally. On a side note, I hope you do not like watching porn. It is a poor choice, and is both physically and psychologically damaging. I am not asking everyone of you to agree with me on this, or any other things I say in this post. Whatever floats your boat, strangers; just let me have the freedom to find whatever I am looking for.
Distance - I am not looking for an online marriage. You could join me here. Or I could go there. A solid plan with solid dates would be needed. Future faking is a fucked up thing to do to another person. If you need nude pictures, phone sex or Skype sex to make a long distance relationship works, I am not the person you are looking for.
Meeting for the first time - I have given this a lot of thoughts, still I do not really know when and where would be good to meet up. We could meet either before we go into a relationship or after. It would probably be fairer for us to fly to a foreign place to meet, it means we would have to trust each other enough to do that. In that case it would make more sense to meet after the relationship has already been established. I think it is doable to fall for someone just by talking. Though I am aware that people are often not who they claimed they are. Those who say they are loyal could be experienced cheaters. But we will see. When in doubt, I ask questions.
Marriage - I have never been married but I would like to get married. The last thing I want is a divorce. The word marriage has sort of become a dirty word now but I am old fashioned. I like relationship labels, and I hope you are the same. A side note, I'm not into having a big wedding. Or a diamond ring. Or to dress fancy for a pre-wedding shoot. The National Gallery of Art has three self portraits of a Hungarian photographer and his wife. I would like to have a wedding like theirs. Which means I would just like to hang out with my SO somewhere, take some pictures ourselves, and call it a wedding. If you never had a proper family, fear not, we would have one on our own. However, having a toxic childhood should not be an excuse for exhibiting toxic behaviors. I would never set myself on fire to keep you warm. It would not help.
Sex - It would be too intimidating if you have had unsafe sex, a lot of sex, or many sexual partners in the past. Premarital sex is off the table. People make fun of those who have never had sex, which I do not get; I do not care and even would very much prefer that, because I would not have to grieve over your past. But, then again, grieving is a part of life. It is alright if you are not a virgin, just do not lie to me about your sexual past. I do not really have a sex drive. Mentally speaking, I would be okay if you never wanted to have sex, I would also be okay if you wanted to have a lot of sex. Because I do not specifically crave for sex; I crave for love. In other word, I count all types of affection as a whole, and sex does not specifically stand out from all the rest. Physically speaking, I would not be compatible with those who have a high sex drive, as I think overindulgence in sex is destructive. Also, I would not be compatible with those who are into kinky sex/ filming sex tapes. There is nothing wrong with those, they are just not my thing. I think having boundaries in bed does not mean I do not love them, or love them less than those who have no boundaries. I would never take birth control pills/ wear an IUD, because they have many side effects that I do not want to deal with. Respect my choices.
Kids - I do not have kids. But I would like to raise kids. Ask yourself, honestly, if you are mature enough, and ready to be a father. "But I am not ready, just yet; there are things I want to achieve before I become a father." Find someone younger, then. I would like to add that I have no reason to doubt my fertility as I take reasonably good care of myself. I have no, and never had any, chronic diseases or illnesses. Am at a healthy weight, somewhat slim even. 5 feet 7 inches tall. In the event that I was infertile, surrogacy would not be an option. It goes against my morals. So, again, think twice. I would like to raise adopted kids, and treat them like they are my biological kids. I would not dump my husband if, he was found to be infertile at any point of the marriage. Technically I would be fine if you do not want to raise kids at all, but providing a home for some orphans is something I could do, and I do not want to pass that on.
Living together - I have always, and still am against the idea of living together before marriage. There is nothing wrong with cohabitation, it is just again not my thing. I would gladly introduce my roommate when I was in school to you if you are worried that I have some weird quirks. I might or might not bribe her before I introduce her to you.
Money - I am not rich, and was not born rich, but I have no debts. Never had debts. I am aware that some debts are justifiable, like student loan. I worked in the academia. I just started doing something new, related to my field of study, and that makes me happy. Whether you are a postdoc, or a high school drop out, makes no difference to me. For those who think that throwing me a sentence like “I am a lawyer” would be enough to make me talk, have some self respect. I am fine with my Reddit inbox collects only dust.
Religion - I suppose I have always been mostly an agnostic. My parents sent me to a Christian middle school, then a Christian high school. It would be great if you are a God believer and do not mind me being a non religious person. We could read Bible together. It would also be great if you are a non religious person but follow traditional values.
Smoking, drinking and doing drugs - I do not smoke cigarettes. Or vape. Or whatever. I do not do soft/ hard drugs. Have no past addictions. I do not take over-the-counter drugs even. I do not drink alcohol. If you drink responsibly, then I do not have a problem with that.
Dietary choices - I am an omnivore. Have no food allergies. Please be a meat eater. I do not want to get into an argument with you over a tuna egg sandwich I make for our kids. I would not raise my kids vegan. They should be able to make their own choices when they are old enough. I like cooking quite a bit. Would learn to cook all your favorite dishes.
Pets - I do not have any pets.
Gaming - I do not gamble. I have never played any video or computer games. Game soundtracks though I do often pay attention to.
Tattoos - Sure, why not?
Earrings - Why not? I would buy you earrings.
Long hair - Why not? I would braid your hair when you are asleep, though.
Politics - I am against communism, and totalitarianism. Trump 2020. Please read my reddit history.
P.S. This is Reddit, a wonderful yet utterly dangerous place, strangers. Especially for women. So many people prey on the weak. Even scammers would tell you that “you are everything I have been looking for since forever”. Canned messages are easy to spot, because I am smarter than you imagined. There were people who messaged me from throwaway accounts, which I noticed later filled with porn posts. Accounts with no post history are fishy. Anyhow at some point let's do a photo verification. Maybe we could take a selfie while holding a piece of paper with something like "Today's February 33 1920" written on it. Thank you all for sending me a selfie right off the bat. But I do not trust you enough to click on it. Also please do not ask me to talk to you over the phone/ do a video chat with you right off the bat. If you absolutely do not know what to write, check out "pinned post II", there's a list of 30 questions. I talk to one person, if ever there was one, at a time.
TL;DR - I am a non religious person who holds traditional values and beliefs, which for obvious reasons give me a hard time these days. If you see this post, message me, no matter when.
submitted by greenandgreener to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.11.30 20:31 thatshirtman All of the early red flags I ignored or missed

On the off chance this sounds familiais helpful to anyone.
submitted by thatshirtman to BPDPartners [link] [comments]


2020.11.30 17:11 toss213 I really don't understand people. TW - suicide, etc

When I(22nb) was 14 I met a girl (12) over facebook, because I didn't really make friends irl at the time. Let's call her B. Shortly after we started talking, she told me she was going through a breakup and I felt like I should help her. I did. I made her feel okay. All of our talking ended up leading to us figuring out we like each other. We talked and talked, pretty much getting to the point of saying "I love you."
Unfortunately she wasn't completely honest with me, and I found out she was talking to another guy as well. He ended up asking her out on Christmas. She said yes. However, when I tried to leave, she told me to stay or else she would commit suicide.
Over the next year or so, we'd go back and forth with "I love you"s, "I hate you"s, and just bad arguments. This all unfolded with the other boy dumping her. I (now 15) went to meet her (now 13) in person the first time(yes, first time) because she had basically said no before because of her parents. When we met, I held her. We made plans to hangout at my house. We talked a lot before she had come over, and that day ended with cuddling, kissing, and ultimately sex.
I never saw her again after this. The reality of me never seeing her again did not kick in until about a year later. Within that year, we still had a pretty decent relationship, even with the toxic arguments. At this point, we still were not official and she refused to let me come meet her parents. She was afraid for some reason so I stopped questioning her. Due to us not being exactly official, I started talking to another girl. Just talking. We took pictures together on Halloween, and she indicated on instagram that she liked me when she posted the pictures. This angered B a lot. She questioned me about it and I was honest. This is when it went downhill. She started to date other guys. Like, actually date them. I guess she did this to get back at me. This went on for a good while.
I would question her about these guys when I found out and she would make excuse after excuse, so I started to do the same. I would also try to constantly leave, and she'd threaten suicide if I did. So I stayed. I told her whatever, I'm done with this playing games crap. If you want me, tell me. This ended up as her meddling with other relationships, and telling girls I dated that I was still with her(we were NEVER official). This affected at least 5 different relationships before I made her stop. I was 17 at the time, and I was done. I told her I no longer want anything to do with her, and I blocked her and carried on with the current relationship she was about to ruin.
3-4 years of emotional torment, over. Relief. Or so I thought..
Flash forward to 2020. I already posted about this on legaladvice, however it has been deleted due to legal reasons. I find myself not only in one battle, but now a battle against B. Unlike the other being adult, this is only juvenile. And it turns out the police never took my statement about the emotional abuse, or toxic relationship we had. She is claiming the consensual sex we had, was actually non-consentual. However, I am only being charged with distribution, because I sent pictures to her mother that included censored nudes in an attempt to make her leave me, which did not work.
What do I do? I have a lawyer and he said he'd handle this but I am trying to have peace of mind. Do you think she has a case? Do I have a case? I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and mild bipolar. And I know for a fact I have PTSD(I was abused during childhood by my stepmother, and after being forced to have dinner with her, I had a 2 hour panic attack.)
I'm tired of dealing with unnecessary bullshit. I'm trying to focus on me and my life.
submitted by toss213 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.30 07:10 Yankeedoodle7 Going in circles with the same boy

I (21f) have recently begun talking again to a (22m) past love interest/date/people who use to like each other. We went to high school together. Never really spoke much. In college we kind of reconnected, back when I was 18 and he was 19. I should say my first year in college, he went to trade school to become an electrician. We are from Georgia, he stayed in our hometown. However, I go to college in Michigan. We spoke off and on my freshman year of college via text/social media, nothing serious ever really happened with it as I was busy with my life in Michigan and him with his back home in Georgia. Over that summer, 2019, I took and internship in Michigan for the summer. I was honestly pretty lonely as all my college friends went back home for the summer and I was up in Michigan working my first professional/office job. I began talking to him more during this time. We got to know each other a little better and he asked if I wanted to hang out when I came home in October for fall break. I said yes and we agreed to go to the beach.
Honestly, I was very unsure with what he wanted. I didn’t know if he was coming over hoping for us to casually hook up or coming over because he liked me and wanted something more serious. He never asked for nudes or anything like that- it was very much entirely us talking to each other with no focus on the sexual aspect. I do not do casual hook ups. I would like to, but I can’t, I get way too attached way too easy and it destroys me emotionally. I just can’t handle it. I really don’t have a problem with kissing or getting fingered by someone I am interest in but that’s it. That’s as far as it goes. At that point I need to put it to a stop and kind of figure out where I stand with a dude. Anyway, that being said, at this pint I have also not had sex in two years/since I was with my last boyfriend. Like I said, I cannot do casual, it leads me into an emotional train wreck, so my choice is to just not have sex.
Anyway- we live about 45 minutes away from each other so the plan was for him to pick me up and then go over to the beach- about a 5 minutes drive from my house. He rings my door bell, I answer the door, give him a hug, and let him come him in because I still have to grab my towel and sunblock. He comes inside, and to my surprise, says “when do I get to meet your parents?” Which was an incredibly shocking statement to me. Anyway, I told him my mom was at work, because she was, and my dad was in his office on a conference call, because he was.
Anyway, we get in his truck and go to the beach. We have a fun time. We like a lot of the same things. We both are more the type to go in the water and goof off as opposed to sit on the shore. So we dug a hole and buried me in it and then dug more holes and I think we both had a really really good time.
We then left and went to Chick fil A because it was about dinner time and took it back to my house and ate it at the table and watched hydraulic pressure videos on YouTube which was also a lot of fun. My dad came out of his office and said Hello and he met him. Then he asked if he could take a shower and I said of course. So he took a shower and while he was in the shower I vacuumed the sand out of his car because I think it’s a polite thing to do. We then lit a bunch of candles and poured the wax together and put it in the microwave for a very long time. Which is also, probably really strange, but we both had a lot of fun doing it.
My mom then got home from work, and was a little surprised because I didn’t tell her I was having a boy over. It wasn’t a secret, my dad knew, I just assumed he would probably be gone by the time she left so there wasn’t really a point in bringing it up beforehand. Anyway, we all talked for like an hour and had pretty good conversation and it wasn’t awkward. My mom then left the room and he said Can I come back tomorrow? Again, I was a little shocked because typically people don’t ask for a second “hang out” while still in the first one. However, I very much wanted him to come back too so I said yes. But before he left for the day we decided to go to Publix (grocery store) to get a pumpkin because we were gonna carve it the next day when he came back. I said I will drive, because I know where the closest publix is, and so we got in my car. When we get in the car he looks me in the eyes and says “I really wanted to eat you out today.” And I just laughed and started driving.
Like ??? now I’m back to not knowing what this is. Is this a date or hook up? Like I get that I go to school 1,000 miles away so there has to be some facilitation of a relationship virtually but there has also been no mention of anything sex related up until this point. So what is going on that on the first date you’re going to look me eyes and say you want to eat me out?
Anyway, we get to Publix, pick a pumpkin, and go home. We leave the pumpkin at my house. We hug goodbye. And he leaves.
The next morning he texts me and tells me he forgot he had to work today would it be okay if he came the next day (a Friday). I said yes. It’s not a problem at all- totally normal thing to happen.
I assumed again that my parents would be there, and liked that because it kind of prevents things from going to a place of too sexual too soon, for my personal taste. However, on Thursday my Mom texts me that she will not be coming home Friday, she’s leaving for a business trip. My brother, I just have one sibling, is going to be out of town for a baseball tournament, and he’s leaving Thursday morning. My dad says he’s going to watch the tournament, and he’s leaving Thursday night. So now, I am going to be alone at the house on Friday. I wasn’t going to cancel, because I need be able to handle the situation myself.
Friday comes, he comes over at like 2. We carve the pumpkin. Well mainly he does because it’s hard for two people to carve a singular pumpkin. Anyway, after the pumpkin we go inside and decide to play a game and we end playing Guess Who. We play for a little while and he asks if I want to drink. I said okay, because I do enjoy drinking. He asked if it was okay if sleepover if we drink. I said yes because obviously I am not going to encourage drunk driving. So, we go to the store and get two four lokos, per my request.
On our drive to the store we talked about normal things. He asked me why my last boyfriend and I broke up. Which is fine, I don’t mind the question at all. He also said to me “I can’t tell if you like me or not”. I had no idea what he meant by that. Like in general? Or like like? So I said well if I didn’t I wouldn’t have let you come over. Which in hindsight was a pretty stupid answer and I should have just said yes. But. What’s done is done.
We come home, order a pizza, are drinking and continue to play Guess Who. We then get tired of that and move to watching TV. He starts playing with my hair and then asks if can kiss me. I said yes and we start making out. He then takes my shirt off and his off. Then my pants and starts fingering me and then eating me out. I became a little uncomfortable, because I think he wanted it to go further than this and this was the maximum amount I was comfortable we with for now but I think he got the message and stopped. We both enjoy a pretty rough time sexually which is also very excellent. I don’t want someone who will be rough for me because I like it but because we both like it, and this checks that box. However, I am again unsure whether he’s here for a hookup or because he likes me. Anyway, he carries me to my room and puts me in my bed and says to me he can sleep on the couch if I want him to. I said no he can sleep in my bed. So he slept in my bed and there was no cuddling or anything. For me, I did not want to initiate any cuddling because I don’t want to give some sort of mixed signal that I want things to go further. I can’t speak for him, but I assume he didn’t initiate anything because he didn’t want to make it seem like he was trying to push things further after I had indicated that I wanted to stop.
We wake up in the morning and he asks if I want to go in my pool. I said yes and get up to get dressed and put on my bathing suit. We go in my kitchen and stand around and he then asks if I want to “finish what we started last night.” I did not say anything and just stood there like a fence post. Honestly I was thinking it was finished. He comes over. Picks me up and takes me to my room. We make out again, takes my top off, he takes his off shirt off, takes my pants off. Starts fingering me and eating me out. I am just laying there thinking oh god I can’t believe I’m gonna have to just tell him to stop again.
Like I feel bad because this is somebody I am interested in. However, I have no idea what the situation is? Does he like me or is this a hook up? I need time to think about my emotions and how I’m feeling. I also have an IUD, if you get an STD with an IUD you can get infections that cause all your eggs to go sterile. So it’s important to me that my partner and I have an STD test done before we have sex.
Anyway, he’s eating me out and looks up and says did you cum. And I said no. Because I didn’t. And like, I don’t care at all. I still had a good time with someone I like. I also find it incredibly hard to orgasm the very first time with a new person. I think a lot of it, for girls at least, is being in the right headspace and being very comfortable with your partner. I would honestly prefer to not orgasm the first time because it’s just too much emotions for someone I’m not that familiar with yet.
Anyway, I think he was a bit bummed out that I’d didn’t orgasm. He got back in top of me and said “do you want to have sex?” And I said “No.” and he said “That’s what I thought, do you want to suck my dick?” And I said “No.” and he said “That’s what I thought.” After that we put our clothes back on and went back into the kitchen and sat in there for about 5 minutes and then he said he was going to leave because he had work later. So I told him goodbye at the door and gave him a hug.
That was a pretty hurtful sequence of events for me. I do not think he knows that but it was. I a lot of times lead myself down a path of thought of “if you liked someone why would you say that to them?” I think he must not realize how hurtful that was for me? I don’t know. But that was pretty hurtful to me.
We continued to talk per usual. I went back to school 2 days later because break was over. I thought a lot about what had happened. It is hard for me to have sex so easily with a new person. However, I also think sex is a really big part of what makes a relationship work. So I decided that I kind of needed to be willing to make some progress on that. Especially since I spend most of my time in Michigan, it can be hard to make that work. I agreed to send him some nudes and it wasn’t anything expansive. Just 1 or 2 here and there. It was something I was comfortable with doing and something that he liked so I thought it was some good common ground to work with. I came home in December and decided it was probably my turn to ask him to hang out so I asked and he said “I am busy.” I was disappointed, but decided it is very fair for people to be busy. So a week later I asked if he wanted to hang out soon and he said “I’m busy.” Neither time was it a I’m busy what about next week? Just I’m busy. So, to me, that’s a pretty clear message. If you ask someone to hang out twice and both times they give an empty I’m busy with not attempt to reschedule, they don’t want to hang out. I was upset. I was angry with him. I felt kind of played. I continued to still speak to him but much less and kept him at bay and eventually go back to school in early January.
In early February (2020), he messages me and asks me, kind of out of the blue if back in October when he came over if I had feelings for him. I said I did but didn’t really feel they were reciprocated, as I then asked him multiple times after that if he wanted to hang out and he declined both times. He said that makes sense and asked why when he ate me out I didn’t reciprocate that to him. I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing that because I felt like I didn’t know him enough for that yet. He said okay. I then asked him what’s wrong (as he seemed sad) and he told me he feels like he will never have a girlfriend that likes him as much as he likes her. I had no idea what to do with that information as I do not ever think that I was formally his girlfriend so I was like I’m sorry to hear that. Anyway, I took from this conversation that things were going to get better. I thought this was an acknowledgement of what we need to do to fix this. We started talking more again, and the general this and that. Things got a little more in depth. I asked him to send me dick pics and I continue to send him nudes. It got a little more in depth talking wise as well as he told me we could make this work. I started to get excited to come home and see him.
I came home in March for spring break and he didn’t ask me to hang out so I said I thought we were going to hang out. He said I can Friday and I said I can’t I’ll be out of town and then I go back to Michigan but I think school is going to get shutdown because of COVID so I think I will be here longer. He said okay sounds good. Nothing really happens. I again feel upset because I thought this had been fixed and things were going to get better. In late March I decided to tell him this. I told him I was unhappy and thought things were going to get better. He told me that he thought we agreed to be friends. So, essentially, the conversation we had in february we both took two extremely different ways. Anyway, I was a little irritated because at this point I felt pretty dragged. I asked him for more of an explanation. He eventually told me that he had met someone else he was interested in. He said he wanted to be friends and was sorry that I was upset and thought we had agreed to be friends and didn’t want me to feel upset.
I don’t ever stay friends with any of exes. Ever. Ex anything. Ex boyfriend, ex dude I use to talk to. If it’s done let it be done.
However, for some reason, I agreed to try to remain friends. I did have a good time together. I also tried to focus on all the reasons why us being together would have never really worked out anyway.
Anyway, a week of this goes bye and he tells me the girl he was into broke it off with him. I said “okay.” Because what am I supposed to do with this information. At this point in time I hated his guts.
Summer goes bye, I intentionally barely talk to him. I go back to Michigan for the summer for another internship. The summer passes. I go back to school for the year and I meet this other guy. I have a lot of fun with him, he’s a nice dude and smart, it never went beyond kissing. I broke it off with him because our personalities just do not match in my opinion. We don’t really good along on more than a surface level so I end it there- this is around end of October 2020.
The same week the original guy messages me again and is nonetheless drunk and asks me if I remember the day that he came over in October, which is now a year ago. He asks me “before I started eating you out, when we were just playing guess who, were you having a good time? It’s okay if you don’t remember it. You don’t have to pretend” I said “yes. I had a really good time.” And he said “me too” And we now talk all the time again.
———— I am at a point where I don’t know what to do. I have had more fun with this guy than any other guy I have ever met and I think he feels the same way vice versus. I also feel at the same time that this has been exhausted. And I am stuck between two polar ends of I have had more fun with this person than anyone else and that we have also given each other the run around 5 times over. We have an incredible horrible lack of communication. When we do communicate, it’s horrible, and not direct. Neither of us put our entire selves out on the line ever. It’s always one foot out the door on both ends.
We have spoke every single day for 2.5 years. It is at the point where it either needs to happen or needs to be finished.
In all other instances, with men I have dated, or interacted with, once it is done, it is done forever. If we break up or stop talking it is gone. I have always chosen to never stay friends with my exes. I feel kind of burned by him sometimes because I look back and think what do you mean you like somebody else now? Are you kidding me? Other times, I look back on the conversation we had and realize that very well also sounds like a “we gave it a good try🤷🏼‍♀️” conversation.
Anyway, as I mentioned, we began talking more again. I am not sure what to do. I have never felt more compatible with anyone in my life but also feel that this is just beating a dead horse.
My friends and I are going down to Daytona to go to the beach in December. I am debating whether I ask him to come with us or not. I feel kind of embarrassed by the whole concept. I’m just not sure what to do. One way or the other I want to lay this to rest and move on, with him or without.
I like like him and want it to work. But if it isn’t reciprocated I need find other things to invest my energy in.
submitted by Yankeedoodle7 to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.30 06:26 sunflowcr Should I confess to my room mate that I’m into him? (Long read.)

Hey everyone. This has been something that I’ve been grappling with since September. This is a long read, sorry!
See, I (27F) am extremely attracted to my room mate Sam (24M). He moved in a little under a year ago, and there are four people living in the house in total: his best friend Taylor (24M) and my best friend Alice (24F) who happen to be engaged. When I first met Sam, I thought he was cute— but I was then in a relationship and didn’t think much else of him other than he was nice, and that it was awesome to be sharing the bathroom with someone who was much tidier than our last room mate. Time went on and all of us room mates got really close, and still are. Sam and I have a really similar sense of humor and constantly understood/crack up over each other’s references, he was always ready to do stupid accents with me, we found out that we liked some of the same Netflix shows and would hang in the living room sometimes to watch them or play video games, and passing him in the house was never awkward.
I also figured out that Sam was the kind of person who would remember things about you, no matter how small. I’d come home sometimes and find that he’d left my favorite drink or snack in my designated spot in the fridge. Or he’d send a text to check up or see how an event or something I mentioned in passing had gone, because he remembered. These were things I really grew fond of, especially since my current boyfriend was not sentimental and rarely surprised me with little gifts without prompting. I just felt special that someone was remembering little details about me.
Sam also confided in me about his childhood— and some stuff from his past that someone might want to keep a secret. He confessed that he struggled with personal relationships and self worth. It made me feel closer to him. I felt like we were becoming good friends. There also came a point where I hit a really low point for a week straight and was miserable/isolating myself, and he was the only person to reach out to me and see if I was alright.
I broke up with my boyfriend after figuring out that our relationship was only about sex and less about feelings. He never wanted to sleep over, we could never hang out and just cuddle without him turning it dirty— and he constantly made comments about my insecurities. The relationship was incredibly damaging to my self esteem. I never wanted anyone to see me nude ever again, never wanted to be vulnerable ever again, and the anxiety and regret over everything he had put me through finally drove me to seek out therapy. Over the next few months I was going through life completely shut down. I wasn’t viewing anyone with romantic intent— I didn’t see them as potential love interests. I just felt unattractive and dirty. It’s something I’m improving with a little bit every day, but still working on in therapy.
And anyway.. September came along. I was invited to the beach by some coworkers— we were to drink and hang out by a bonfire. I got all dolled up, and put on my favorite outfit. As a result I felt pretty decent about how I was looking, and I decided to post a selfie to Snapchat with a playful caption along the lines of “hey cute girls, please date me.” Sam replied to the picture, and it was essentially a shower of compliments. He was saying how I was the sweetest person ever, that he’d canvas the area for me and let all the cute girls know how good I am at cooking and how funny I am, etc. basically just making jokes that he’d help me find someone. But it felt different in a way— something sparked in me, with him telling me all these things he thought about me. I came home really late that night. It had to be nearly 1 AM by the time I was showered and crawling into bed.
And Sam sent me a Snapchat of his coworkers hanging with him at the bar— I replied telling him to have fun and be safe. We kept chatting, and it became clear he was pretty drunk. He then made the joke that he was going to run into my room and jump on my bed when he got home. I retorted back with my own joke about how he’d just gotten a new bed of his own and he needed to get his moneys worth. He shrugged the joke off, and we chatted back and forth a while longer before he said again— that he was going to run in and jump on my bed and fall asleep when he got home. I didn’t think he’d really do it. But when he finally did come home, he really did walk down the hallway, come into my room, and he crawled up onto my bed and got comfortable. It didn’t feel weird, and I didn’t feel pressured to do anything. He was clearly drunk. We talked and watched cold case files together and he fell asleep next to me. And... I slept like a rock. It felt so good to sleep next to someone— it was something I never got from my ex, yknow? Here I have this cute drunk boy in my bed and he doesn’t even try anything with me. It felt like he just wanted to be near me.
The next morning we didn’t talk about it. Alice was home, so we all made breakfast together and watched Hulu in the living room. Sam didn’t mention sharing my bed with me or anything like that— so I let it be. That night, I got ready for bed and I was hanging out watching tv in my room when Sam knocks on my door. He tells me he’s going to an 80s themed going away party, and he showed off his outfit to me (super fucking cute), and asked me what shoes to wear— I had him go get his boots on. Told him to have fun and be safe, and he left.
Well.. the whole time he’s at this party, he’s texting me. We’re just talking about nonsense. I’m wondering why he’s spending so much time texting me rather than having fun with his friends. He tells me his ex is at the party and makes a joke about going into the danger zone. I took this as code for “I’m gonna hook up with me ex”, and told him to just... be safe. I dunno what I was feeling. But then lo and behold, later that night I hear the front door open. And then a few minutes later my bedroom door opens, and he’s there in his pajama shorts and a comfy shirt, telling me he brushed his teeth. He climbs into my bed again and we talk. He’s drunk again. He says he came home to avoid his ex, told me a few things about how she had wronged him. And then Sam asks me “what am I gonna do when there’s a cute girl hanging around here and suddenly you have a girlfriend?” I kinda clammed up— I didn’t know what to say, so I made a joke “multiple girlfriends.” Kinda wish I hadn’t. I should have asked him why he cared. Again, he didn’t try anything with me. But I pet his hair until he fell asleep, and again, I slept great all night.
The following week he went out of state for a wedding and I was realizing that I might really like him. We were texting back and forth the whole time, meme dumping on each other, and he made sure to send me some really charming selfies of him in his groomsmen suit. I was excited for him to come back. And come back he did— but he never chose my bed again. He did make sure to come into my room to “say hi” to me and my cat every time he’d been out late, though, and we’d chat and joke a little before he’d leave to his own room. I kinda wished he’d have chosen my bed those times. I was confused, I guess. At this point we’ve had maybe two different text conversations (out of many) where flirting was pretty obvious (on my end, at least) and we’re a few weeks into October. I invited him to a small get together my coworker was having for Halloween and he was excited to go.
This is where stuff kinda crash lands for me in the feelings department.
We made plans to go get him a costume the week before the Halloween hangout. But that weekend, he doesn’t come home Friday night. We were supposed to hangout and make a day of it on Saturday. Saturday comes, and he’s still not home— so Alice and I go out and do a few errands together. Alice says Sam had come home around 11 that night (I was asleep already) and he took a shower and left again. I felt a weird pang of suspicion in my chest. Sam texts me around 2 PM that Saturday, asks if I still wanna go, but at that point I was tapped out and disappointed. I told him I was tired and maybe we could go tomorrow— Sunday. He promises Sunday. Alright, cool! Sunday comes. We don’t go. He swears we’ll go Monday. Monday comes— I have therapy in the morning and it’s a particularly hard session. One that has me feeling all sorts of mentally drained when I get home. But I promised Sam we’d go costume hunting and hang out, and I was eager to spend time with him, so when I get home and he’s there I ask him if he wants to go. He says he has a meeting at 3 on his laptop, and then we can go after. Well..
Sam proceeds to tell me that he’d spent the majority of the weekend drinking/hooking up with a girl he used to be neighbors with. Like.. he just casually brings it up as he’s telling me about his weekend. Suddenly the most god awful weight is in my chest and I wanna vanish. I make an excuse that I have to leave to go get food, but he jumps up and says he’ll go with me. I want to cry, but I’m stuck in the car with him now, driving to some taco shop down the street. Everything feels bad. I tell him “I feel weird” and use the excuse that therapy was really hard, that way he doesn’t make much of it.
Needless to say we don’t go costume hunting.
The next week progresses and I uninvite him to the Halloween hangout (thankfully it was cancelled), to which he replies with “do you want to hang out/have a spooky movie night and drink whiskey instead?” I politely declined, even though I would have absolutely loved to do that. 100%.
So now we’re out of October and at the end of November. He still leaves me treats sometimes, we’ve hung out here and there, and things feel normal again. I’ve accepted that he most likely just views me as a friend. Why else would he tell me about that girl? Admittedly, I’ve dialed myself back. We don’t talk as frequently as we used to. And I’m not really flirting anymore. But god, when I look at him a little too long, I can’t help but want him at least a little bit.
I guess the reason why I’m writing this post is because I’m so attracted to him and I’m confused about everything he did and whether or not there was any meaning to it. Was he wanting me to make a move when he was in my bed? Did he tell me about his ex and that girl hoping I’d react a certain way? Part of me just wants to corner him in the kitchen and ask him if he ever had a thing for me, but the other part of me is scared to be rejected.
TL;DR: my very cute room mate and I flirted for a couple months, he then told me about a hookup like it was no big deal, and I don’t know if he was truly into me or not.
Should I confess to him for some closure or let it be?
submitted by sunflowcr to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.30 01:03 NameOfSprent 27 [M4F] Los Angeles/Anywhere - If laughter is the best medicine, I’m the guy kissing quaaludes at Outback Steakhouse

Uhh, my name is Greg. I would be your perfect date because I can take care of you intellectually AND physically, and I know all about the fax machines and the equipment in your office if it breaks. I am very experienced in lovemaking - I borrow heavily from the Latin culture. I’m an average size man, the one issue is I have very small petite feet. And uh, ya know sometimes people check to see if it’s a man or a woman walking into the room by the sound of the steps. I’ve been told I have a very feminine step lol hehehehe woaah, ohhhh, I don’t believe I said that! It is very hard for me to find shoes.
( X / 10 points)
“Only in America could you find a way, to earn a healthy buck, and still keep your attitude on self destruct”
( X / 5 points)
The Far Side, Pharcyde, and Farce Ides: How modern day segregation pushes humanity away from evolution
( X / 5 points)
Tekken 3, Soul Calibur / Sega Genesis it fuels my fire, bruh / Streets of Rage, Sonic & Knuckles / Spider man, I’m talking Crash Bandicoot / Tomb Raider, Metal Gear Solid / PlayStation 3, with the mod chip, PlayStation 2 all black its killer / Gameboy Color, Pokemon Arena / I love it, video games my ni**a
( X / 10 points)
42069
( X / 5 points)
A full album >>>>>>>> singles
( X / 5 points)
Cats are objectively greater than dogs. Tigers vs wolves? Easy peezy. Jaguars vs coyotes? FREE. Cheetahs vs foxes? No contest. And obviously, 1 billion lions DESTROY 1 of every pokemon.
(Dogs are still cool too, as well as the diversity and intricacies of animal life just being dope in general)
( X / 10 points)
If the penalty for a crime is a fine, then that law only exists for the lower class. “If you find a job you love, you never work a day in your life” - There is no perfect job for me! You romanticize a career to feel better about giving your best years to wage slavery. Do not indoctrinate me into your cult of complacency old man!
(X / 10 points)
Images of cats > Teenage Stepdad, Everything is Terrible, etc > Memes without text > “relatable” memes > reusable meme templates
(X / 5 points)
Imagine like the worst day you’ve ever had. I would live that day for eternity instead of being dead for one second. Death is terrible and it’s pain and it’s meaningless. There’s nothing after, that’s the horrible thing. There’s nothing it’s just more you. You’re just trapped inside your own body and there’s nothing there. Okay bye bye. Also Sarah Squirm
( X / 10 points)
Riddles, Lateral Thinking Puzzles, and Thought Experiments: How to achieve orgasm without fiddling with your dangus
(X / 5 points)
Option Selects, okizeme, edgeguarding, cross ups, ledgetrapping, combo routes, frame traps, reactions vs reads, mixups, 50/50s, juggling, tech chasing, SHFFL, matchup experience, DI/SDI, GG’s
(X / 15 points)
And, as always, thanks for watching
( X / 5 points)
REQUIREMENTS:
Please no anti vaxx/COVID hoax/ flat earth/ astrology & tarot / heavily religious or anything else touching on pseudoscience or Soros/Qanon levels of conspiracy. Definitely open to various viewpoints and ideologies, as well as understanding of people who might enjoy some of this for fun or in a way that’s lighthearted, but if you genuinely believe anything mentioned here we probably just won’t match well.
You do not have to smoke at all (although preferred if we could vibe together) but if you’re somehow staunchly anti weed, this ain’t the one for you.
If you are 100% set on having biological kids someday, and wouldn’t even think about fostering or adoption to give kids that already exist a loving home and family, then we fundamentally disagree on life. If you have kids already it’s no biggie to me, all I wanna do is eat Oreo cheesecake and play video games anyway so me & kids get along pretty well.
LOOSE CRITERIA:
Have no hang ups on basics like race/body type/age, most important thing for me is if we can laugh and enjoy ourselves together. That said, generally prefer someone older than myself (somewhat significantly) or at the least 21+. And I’m slender myself, but big bodies are absolutely beautiful 👍🏾
Preferably at least a couple of the 10 pointers here you REALLY connect with. Anyone can say hi, but if you’re really clueless on everything I posted above, the novelty will wear off and/or I will get bored 🤷🏾‍♂️
If you are a creative/artist/musician/comedian or anything along those lines, give yourself an extra 10 points and a pat on the back. This originally said “pat on the boobs” but then I thought it’s not that funny, then I thought it’s REALLY funny, then I realized a pat on the boobs is probably more aligned with preparation for a mammogram as opposed to a congratulatory physical affirmation.
SUMMATION:
I’m just some guy here, a Jim Jangus if you will, a Quarez Handlewood perhaps, a Jarvis Jinto AND a Dinko Davis, and I miss having companionship. I’d say on a scale where 0 is anonymous sex and 100 is a committed lifelong relationship, I’m seeking something between a 40 and 60, and just open to taking things as they come. That said, I’ll always be upfront and value communication & honesty immensely, so just hope for the same from you. Maybe we can just keep each other company, share some laughs and gaming together for a bit. Maybe that bit can end up being a lot longer.
Feel free to share a pic (especially if you plan on asking me for one) but I’m in no rush for either, and greatly care more about your score out of the 100 points above.
And if it isn’t clear by now, I will almost always prefer to send you long blocks of text that ultimately say nothing, than quick lines that say nothing, but in a faster, less self masturbatory format.
Local to LA/SoCal would be super nice to legit be able to meet (following COVID safety protocols)
FINAL THOUGHTS:
Why did Batman name himself Batman? I mean I get it, he was afraid of bats and wanted to beat his own fear or whatever, but like, EVERYTHING he does is bats. He’s got batarangs, the batmobile, the bat cave...sounds a lot less like someone afraid of bats, and more like someone who engages in nude horseplay in the parking lot of Arby’s at 2AM. Also, who is Arby? Is Arby a name? Are you sure someone wasn’t trying to say “Kirby” and just had food going down the wrong pipe at the moment. That’s also a fear I have deeply that there’s just food sitting next to my lungs because I done swallowed through the wrong pipe too much. Is it possible to have food inside your body that’s not directly in your digestive tract? Like just sitting around? If you are a doctor please be my friend :)
submitted by NameOfSprent to r4r [link] [comments]